Love Like Clockwork
by TheEpitomeOfBibliophile
Summary: This follows the story of the trilogy with an OC added in. She's headstrong, stubborn, sarcastic, and falling hopelessly in love with Jem Carstairs. Rated T for violence and because I'm paranoid. Jem/OC.
1. The Morgenstern

**Hi! **

**Welcome to this lovely fanfiction. So, I've been very concerned with the lack of Jem/OC fanfics out here, and like any author, what do I do? I make my own. This is going to lead up smoothly into the Infernal Devices Trilogy, with my OC (Lissiane Morgenstern, or Lissa for short) woven in to the storyline. It's going to be about, um, 20 chapters if I'm lazy and up to about 40 if I reach what I really want to do with this. The updates might be every two weeks, and I have to say: I'm working on a Crucible fanfic, and since I started that first, I'm going to update that one first. **

**The romance between Lissa and Jem won't show up for like, another 10 chapters (at least), but it will come head on and plunge into a lot of drama and suspense in the storyline. Yay!**

**Don't forget to review!**

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><p><em>The Morgenstern Mansion, 1874<em>

"Caroline, where are Mum and Dad? You said we were going to pick them up from the train station tonight."

"Lissa, we won't be able to do that."

"Why not? Did dealing with that demon take longer than you thought?"

"Lissa –"

"Come on, Caroline! I need an answer!"

"There's been bad news."

"No."

"Lissa, I'm sorry."

"They're dead, aren't they."

"Lissa –"

"They _are._"

"I'm so sorry."

"Answer me!"

Silence. A gaze dropped down to her feet.

"I said, _answer me!" _

"Yes, Lissa. Your parents have been killed."

A strangled sob.

"I _knew _it."

"Lissa –"

"Who was it?"

No reply.

"What demon killed them?"

"Lissa –"

"I'm not a little kid, Caroline! _Who killed them?" _

"It was Yanluo."

"The Greater Demon."

"Yes."

"I thought it was in China still."

"Yanluo was moving closer, Lissa. Your parents were sent to dispatch the demon. It had already killed the parents of some little boy – I believe it was in China."

"I want to kill it."

"_Lissa!" _

"Make no mistake, Caroline. Yanluo has killed my parents, therefore I will kill it. We are Nephilim, and we have our vengeance. I must avenge my parents, no matter what it takes, no matter how long it takes me to find the wretched thing. I _will, _Caroline. I promise you that. I may be young, but I have suffered the same as any other. I have the right to do what I must as Nephilim. I _will kill Yanluo." _

_The London Institute, 1874_

"A Morgenstern."

"Yes, Will, a Morgenstern."

"I've heard they're ugly. Is that true?"

"_Will!"_

"I'm only saying what I've heard, Jem, there's no reason to get so worked up about it."

"_Ahem."_

"Yes, Charlotte?"

"The Morgenstern girl will arrive in two weeks' time –"

"A mere two weeks! Why, it will not _nearly _be enough time to protect our glorious Institute from the Morgenstern's horrors!"

"_Will!" _

"I'm only saying."

"Will, Jem, listen. I expect you to be civil enough to the Morgenstern girl, though I doubt we will have a problem with that for you, Jem."

"You never know. Jem is quite the devil when no one is around."

"_Will!" _

"I've told you, Jem, I'm just stating the facts."

"The incorrect facts."

"_Boys! _Listen. Will, not a _word _from you."

"What about two words?"

"Shut up, Will."

"_Boys! _Will I ever get anywhere with you two?"

"No."

"You won't have a say in whether she stays or not, Will. The girl's just lost her parents, poor thing. She is in much the same situation as you were, Jem, when you arrived."

"She's dying?"

"_Will!" _

"No, no. She has to adjust to life without both of her parents. Will, I might remind you that _your _family is alive. I expect no rude comments from you, at least in the beginning of her stay here."

"_Charlotte! _How can I be myself without rude comments?"

"Will, for the last time: I expect you to be civil to the girl. I will see you two at dinner."

She rises. The door slams.

_The Morgenstern Mansion, 1874_

"What do you mean Joshua isn't letting me stay here?"

"Lissa, your parents left him the house, and he does not want children in it."

"Children! I'm his sister!"

"You are a child, Lissa, and only thirteen. If he sees you as a hindrance, he has the right to make you leave."

"A hindrance! Caroline, you must talk some sense into him!"

"I cannot, Lissa. He has dismissed me as well."

"Surely to look after me, wherever he sends me? You have done nothing but help him from the moment he was born!"

"No, Lissa. To dismiss a servant is not the same as sending them to watch after someone. You are to go to the London Institute, and I will find work elsewhere."

"Surely – surely you can find work at this Institute? I have heard that the woman who runs it is very kindhearted. She will most definitely provide you with work!"

"Lissa, I cannot."

"Please – Caroline, I cannot let this happen to you!"

"A man will come pick you up tomorrow morning."

"Caroline!"

"Good bye, Miss Morgenstern."

_The London Institute, 1874_

_Winter_

_Lissiane Morgenstern's Narration_

I shakily stepped out of the carriage, picking up my trunks and securing the weapons on my belt. Still fuming at the injustice of my situation, I managed a smile towards the poor driver, who'd been stuck dealing with me for the last 12 hours of my trip. I hoped that Joshua had paid the man well for his services – but then again, I did not know what to expect of my brother anymore. I'd hardly known that he disliked me enough to throw me out of his home, but I could not believe that he had dismissed Caroline – _Caroline! – _who was the kindest servant we'd ever had. Two years older than Josh, I'd always looked to Caroline as an older sister, even though she was mundane. She knew everything about me. A chill came over me as I wondered now if Josh would keep my secret now that he had nothing to do with me. How my life had turned itself upside down in the last few weeks.

"Thank you," I said to the driver with a polite nod. He smiled down at me and tipped his hat.

I walked up to the Institute doors and pulled the doors open. _Still Nephilim, _I thought. Soon, the echoing sound of footsteps rang around the grand entrance hall. They were joined by a young woman with dark hair in a tidy bun. She reminded me so much of Caroline that it hurt – the same intelligent eyes and kindly manner. I knew instinctively that this must be Charlotte Branwell. By the Angel, her _name _even reminded me of Caroline.

"Are you Mrs. Branwell?" I asked hesitantly, then scowled. I _hated _being hesitant.

"Yes," the woman replied. "Please, do not hesitate to call me Charlotte."

"Of course," I said, feeling far more confident now that I was inside the building. I stepped forward and Charlotte closed the Institute doors after me. A cold wind slid inside before she managed it, and I shivered. "Thank you for having me here. It means a lot to me to have a place to stay."

"Of course," Charlotte said warmly, ushering me into the inviting hall of the Institute. "I hope you enjoy your stay here." We reached another room, where a dark haired, shirtless boy was pacing near a fireplace.

"_Charlotte!" _he said in relief as he heard us come in. "Oh, by the Angel! I thought you'd never come! Where on Earth were you?"

"Will, I was just in the entrance hall welcoming Miss –" But Will has already caught sight of me.

"She's coming tonight?" he said, his face paling.

"Excuse me," I said. _"She _is already here, thank you very much."

"Charlotte, you didn't tell me the Morgenstern would be coming tonight!" he said in a panic. "Why tonight? We have enough on our hands without this excuse of a pathetic orphaned –"

"_Will Herondale!" _Charlotte exploded. "How dare you! I have already told you that I expected you to be civil and Jem is not an excuse to be rude and self–"

"It's alright." The words were quiet, and yet they broke through Charlotte's reprimand and Will's soon-to-be snarky reply. "The pathetic little excuse of an orphaned Shadowhunter is probably far more capable than you." Will glared. "And she would like to tell you that–" I broke off suddenly as, all of a sudden, pain hits me like a tidal wave. I bite down hard on my lip to keep from screaming, but a strangled cry still makes its way from my throat.

"Miss Morgenstern?" Charlotte asked worriedly. I hardly hear her. The pain grew, turning my vision white and I fought to stay conscious.

"Will," I gasp. "Who's Jem?"

"What?" he blinks in surprise, and his expression becomes, if possible, even more guarded.

"_Who is Jem?" _

"He's – he's my _parabatai." _

"Is he ill?"

"What are you trying to get at, Morgenstern? If this is a trick, it's not funny."

"_Is he ill?" _

"I've already told you –"

"_Is he?" _

Charlotte comes to my rescue this time.

"Yes, Lissiane, Mister Carstairs often finds himself ill," she supplied.

"Oh, by the Angel," I muttered. Then I ran upstairs, towards wherever the pain is coming from.

_Pain, pain, pain. _The feeling is almost blinding, and I ran, guided only by my instinct, to the source of it. Once I enter the room, I double over and try not to scream. Working through the haze, I blink away tears and my eyes land on a small bed. A Silent Brother stands over him, and if the creatures had feelings, I would've thought that this one seemed a bit… stumped. As if this boy was a puzzle he could not figure out.

_I'm so sorry, _I thought as I shoved the Brother out of the way to look. The moment I do, his pain comes over me again, and I realized that the Brother was the only thing helping me dull the full effects of the pain. I'm even sorrier now as I look at the angry Brother who is sort of _levitating _next to me.

_Lissiane Morgenstern, _his mental voice said. _The accursed healer. _Suddenly, the pain lifted, and I gave the Brother a grateful smile.

"Thank you," I whispered.

A small, sweet-smelling box with silver powder made me suspect something. I take a good look at the boy and my suspicions are confirmed. The boy – Jem, I guess – has silvery hair, and his eyes are almost entirely swallowed up by silver as well, as if he was an old man instead of – instead of a boy of around thirteen, I realized. He looks around my age.

I take a good look at the boy and my suspicions are confirmed. The boy – Jem, I guess – has silvery hair, and his eyes are almost entirely swallowed up by silver as well, as if he was an old man instead of – instead of a boy of around thirteen, I realized. He looks around my age.

A glass of water that, I can immediately tell, has the wrong amount of _yin fen _in it, sits next to his bedside. I mutter a curse, and dump out the glass.

"Excuse me!" Jem protested weakly, and oddly enough, my heart twisted with sympathy.

"Shh," I soothed. "Just trust me. Please?"

Jem settles back down into the nest of blankets, and, as though the effort has exhausted him, starts coughing violently. I felt another twinge of sympathy, and worked faster, preparing the _right _amount of the drug into a small cup, and dissolving it into a glass of water.

Jem's coughing has turned into hacking, and the sheets are covered in a fine red spray. _Blood. _I lifted the cup to his mouth and sent a silent prayer that he would be able to drink it. The coughing stops for just a moment, and I squeeze a couple drops between his lips. The convulsions die down, and I thank the Angel that it worked.

That's when Will bursts in.

"Jem, don't take anything she gives you!" he cried. "She's some sort of monster – a demon –" He noticed the empty cup in Jem's hand and the new flush of color in his cheeks.

"You took it, didn't you."

"I did," Jem said pleasantly. I finally take a good look at Jem. The silver in his hair is a startlingly handsome feature, and small patches of a dark color, which I assumed was his original hair color, stick out from the pale, whitish, feathery-looking mop. His eyes are a glorious silver, like liquid lead, and threaten to drown me in their whirlpools. I wrenched myself from this beautiful boy and realize that Will has been trying to argue some sort of case against me.

"… and she's not to be trusted!" he concluded.

"Will, I hardly think that Miss Morgenstern is going to unleash a herd of rabid ducks on you on the next Friday the thirteenth," Jem argued reasonably. I shuddered.

"I _hate _ducks," I explained.

"There you go," Jem finished. "She hates ducks; therefore she would lease them on you."

"Well," I said, squinting at Will, "He seems to hate me enough, so I might put up with my hatred of ducks to unleash a couple on him." I saw Jem hide a grin.

"The things I could do to you, Morgenstern," Will muttered.

"Empty threats!" I said airily, waving a hand. "See, they mean nothing. Now, if you said that you were going to save up duck feathers and glue them, one at a time, to my eyebrows while I am sleeping, as I am going to do to you, then I may be afraid." Will looked kind of annoyed, and we glared at each other for a bit until we were interrupted by Jem's laughter. We turned our gazes, then, to glare at _him. _

"What?" Will growled.

"The two of you!" Jem laughed by explanation. "You're so similar. I cannot believe you can't see it!"

Will and I decided to stop glaring at Jem and made the other the sole purpose of our death stares.

"I am _nothing _like him," I protested.

"I am nothing like _her," _Will said at the exact same time. Then we had to share a laugh, and then Charlotte burst in.

"Oh!" I exclaimed, blushing suddenly for finding myself alone with two boys. "I am so sorry, Charlotte, it was just –"

"She saved my life," Jem said softly, and I blushed again, but for an entirely different reason.

"Is this true?" Charlotte asked me with a raised eyebrow.

"Yes," I breathed. "If _someone _hadn't been preparing the _yin fen _incorrectly," I paused here to glare at Will, who glared right back, "You see, there was far too much of the drug being dissolved. It wouldn't affect him any more than the amount I gave him, and it would shorten his lifespan by years."

Charlotte looked at me, and I figured she was wondering if I was being sincere.

"I will swear it on the Mortal Sword," I whispered.

"Well then," Charlotte said appraisingly. "Welcome to the London Institute."

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><p><strong>How do you like it? <strong>

**So, there WILL BE NO ROMANCE - DO YOU HEAR ME, NONE! - BETWEEN WILL AND LISSA. NONE. N O N E. **

**Just to clear that up.**

**Erm, for Brooke: Yeah, I know I'm switching the verb tenses and it actually really annoyed me while I was writing it, so sorry. There isn't any of that in the later chapters.**

**Read and review!**

**Seriously, reviewing takes five minutes at the most and it makes my day so, please?**

**~TheEpitomeOfBibliophile**


	2. The Girl on the Dinner Table

**Hi there!**

**So, I had a ton of fun writing the Wissa friendship in this chapter. Gosh, they are so hilarious. I expect you to laugh! **

**There is no Jissa in this chapter. Sorry! But I think there might be a **_**moment **_**in the next one.**

**Also: if you're reading this and thinking "Ohmygosh you're such a copycat: you stole Will's curse and put it on Lissa that's really mundane and not creative at all," you're wrong. It took me **_**such **_**a long time to think of a suitable curse for Lissa, and while it is similar to Will's, it is going to be one of the things that bonds them AS FRIENDS and also provide for some very touching, feels filled scenes (if you want to know where I got the inspiration for Lissa's curse from, it was actually a PJO fanfic called "I am SO not in love with you!")**

**Don't forget to review!**

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><p><em>The London Institute, 1874<em>

_Perspective: Lissa M._

"Miss Lissiane?" Charlotte called. "It is nearly seven o'clock, and I would like to inform you that we will be having dinner in fifteen minutes."

I smiled as I replied, "Of course I will come. I cannot wait for my first dinner at the Institute." I'd been in the room Charlotte had shown me to since the incident with Jem and Will, hoping to avoid any more drama. "And please, call me Lissa."

"Of course," Charlotte said, and I could hear her footfalls on the stairs. The heat of Will's glare on my door immediately returned, and I rolled my eyes. Then again, he probably had felt my glare on his door during the last few hours.

I figured Jem would be at dinner, since the rolling waves of pain had stopped soon after I'd given him the _yin fen. _Even Will had bothered to bark out a thank you.

A knock on my door alerted me that the Institute's servant – Sophie, was that her name? – was coming.

"Come in!" I greeted her, and the doorknob turned. My first impression of Sophie was that she was beautiful. She had big hazel eyes, full lips, and dark, almost auburn hair. She looked about fifteen, two years older than me. When she turned the other side of her face towards me, the large, diagonal scar that ripped open her face swallowed up my vision. I wanted to look away, and felt bad that I was embarrassing her, but couldn't help myself.

"You're… quite shameless," Sophie said quietly.

"I am," I replied. "I apologize for staring, but I would prefer to look at it in full rather than steal glimpses for the next six months."

"I would prefer that as well," Sophie replied, turning her face a little more so that I could see the scar in full.

"It has a story," I said softly, and Sophie tensed. "Oh, I'm so sorry," I said hurriedly. "It is most obviously a touchy subject. How rude of me to bring it up, Miss…"

"Just Sophie," she replied with a smile. "Would you like me to help you dress, Miss Morgenstern?"

"Lissa," I corrected her. "I would like there to be no element of formality in our friendship, Sophie."

"Oh?" the other girl said teasingly. "How do you know we will be friends?"

"Why, you and Charlotte are the only sensible females in this Institute," I said readily, "And you are kindhearted, and around my age, and I believe I like you."

"You are _quite _shameless, Lissa," Sophie said with a laugh. "Now, am I to help you with your dress or not?"

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><p>I entered the dining room in the blue dress Sophie and I picked out. I recognized Jem, Will, and Charlotte, but there was a red-haired man and a beautiful girl who I had not seen before. I took a seat beside Jem, thinking that if Sophie could not dine with us, at least I would be able to speak with the only other person in this Institute I could call a friend.<p>

"Why are you sitting over there?" asked the beautiful girl rudely from the other side of the table, with a small flip of her golden hair.

"Because I like him better than I like you," I replied. She turned her eyes away for a moment, but soon decided to glare at me instead. I sighed. It seemed _everyone _here was going to hate me.

_But that's exactly what you want, _I reminded myself sternly. A different part of my brain protested, _but I don't want them to _hate _me! _

I shook my head to clear it. I couldn't have any _close _friends, but the other wards of the Institute didn't have to hate me. But I didn't like the girl, anyway.

"That's the truth of it, Jessie," Will said with a smirk at the other girl.

"Oh, shut it, Will." I rolled my eyes at him. "I don't like you much either." Next to me, Jem snorted with laughter.

"Picky, picky," Will drawled. "I _told _everyone that we'd have to protect the Institute from the Morgenstern, but did they listen? No. And now look where we are."

"_Will!" _Jem reprimanded sharply.

"Jem, I've already told you: I'm just stating the facts. She, obviously, doesn't like me, so I won't even bother to hide that _I _don't like her." I studied Will for a moment.

"I believe we might be able to have a mutual agreement in life here," I mused.

"I don't."

"You're hilarious," Jem said, watching the exchange as if it was a sporting event.

"We're not," Will and I said in unison.

"Oh, by the Angel," Jessie said with an eye roll. "And I thought one Will was bad enough."

"_Why _does everyone think I'm like Will?" I asked exasperatedly. "We're nothing alike!"

"We're not," Will agreed.

"I'm female, for one thing."

"And that's where the differences end," Jem said, sharing a rare smile with Jessamine.

"They don't!" I protested. "I, for one, enjoy sarcasm _far _more than Will."

"You did _not _just go there," Will threatened.

"I did," I said bravely.

Will muttered something in – was that Welsh?

"See," I pointed out, "Will is far more prone to murmuring in an unintelligible language than I. Isn't that one of the signs of insanity?" Jem laughed again, and I had to smile. Jem was, by far, the nicest person here, and I liked making him happy.

"We _do _have the biannual 'Everyone-Thinks-Will-Is-A-Lunatic' meeting," Jem said in agreement.

"I am _not _insane!" Will protested, then amended himself: "Well, maybe a little."

"And are you insane, Miss Lissiane?" Jem asked me.

"Lissa, please," I corrected him. "And I should think not."

"Then you must call me James, or Jem," he replied with a smile.

"Wonderful!" Will said mockingly. "Now we can all be best friends! But don't blame me when she stabs you all in the back when you're sleeping. I've always said she was dangerous."

"_Will," _I said plaintively, "Why did you tell everyone my plans? I thought you were going to keep them a secret."

"She's as mad as she is ugly," Will remarked.

"You're quite nasty," I said. Will smirked at me. "I won't even ask you if you know it, because I know that you do, and full well. I'm not saying this to point something out to you, but to remind everyone here who they're stuck in quarters with."

"I could say the same to you, Lis," Will said, and it caught me off guard for a minute. My brother Joshua had nicknamed me "Lis," and it was odd, yet somehow familiar, to hear it coming out of Will's mouth.

"You could," I agreed diplomatically. "But I know how nasty I am, and how mad." And with that I pushed my plate out of the way and climbed atop the table. Even the absent-minded red-haired man looked up.

"Charlotte, dear," he said. "I believe there's a girl on our dinner table."

"There most certainly is," I declared.

"Maybe she's a hallucination," the man said curiously. "But most hallucinations don't talk…"

"Henry, she's the Institute's new ward," Charlotte hissed at him. "Lissa, please get off the table." Everyone else was staring at me. Jem's shoulders were shaking in silent laughter, and I smiled. Will's head was cocked to one side, probably wondering if I really was mad. My smile widened.

"Oh, Will, I'm sorry," I simpered. "My powers of feminine charm are simply too much for the weak minded." Will started and opened his mouth to say something. "And Charlotte? Of course I'll get off the table." I jumped back onto my seat and smoothed down my dress.

Jem turned his head towards me and whispered, "I'm sure that's the first time in three years that I've seen Will speechless."

"And the last time was?" I whispered in return.

"Oh, when I arrived and showed how much better I was than him at knife throwing," Jem said with a private smile. I returned it.

I looked up to see everyone still staring at me.

"What?" I crinkled my eyebrows. "Is there something wrong with my dress?"

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><p>"How did you know of Jem's ailment this afternoon?" Charlotte asked as we neared the end of our meal. I tensed; I'd known this was coming, but wasn't prepared to answer it.<p>

"I… I felt something off in the Institute." I shifted my weight in hopes that this was a believable answer. Sadly, Charlotte looked even more intrigued.

"Was there a demon?" Henry asked, looking up from whatever he was fiddling with. "I've been working on a Sensor, see, and if you had a working model…"

"Hush, Henry," Charlotte said gently. "How could you feel it?" I panicked, and thought fast.

"I…" Charlotte leaned forward in her chair. "The Silent Brothers applied an Awareness rune on my tenth birthday."

"Oh?" Charlotte asked curiously. "And why was that?"

"My… parents wanted it," I lied. "I'm really not sure why, but it helps me sense when things are… not right."

"How does this work?" Henry asked, and for once, Charlotte didn't stop him.

"Um, well…" I hesitated. I was out of lies, and couldn't make one up on the spot.

"Interrogating the Morgenstern?" Will's familiar drawl greeted us. "That's a great idea: see if the girl is a spy for evil Downworlders and a traitor to the Clave. You know, because this stranger is going to tell you her plans for world domination." Will smirked at me, and I had to grin back. Then I cursed myself: smirking with Will only confirmed everyone's suspicions that we were the other's counterpart.

"Of course not," Charlotte said angrily, glaring at Will. "What is your purpose here, Will?"

"We're going down to the training room." Will gestured down the hall where, I supposed, the training room must be. But at that moment, the words sounded more like "We're rescuing you from torture and bringing you to meet Raziel in Heaven." "Does she want to come?"

"Yes!" I exclaimed, standing up. _"She _most certainly does want to escape – I mean, go train!"

Will gave me an odd look, but it was veiled with understanding. I wondered what on Earth _that _could come from. No one could understand my curse, especially not this boy who, I had to admit, _did _act a lot like me.

"Well, let's go then," Will said and sprinted down the hall, leaving me to go find wherever the training room was. Nevermind understanding: this boy was Satan. _I wonder if Jem will be there, _I thought, and was somehow cheered.

"Thanks, Charlotte," I said, and ran after Will.

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><p><strong>Yay, chapter two!<strong>

**Thanks so much to: Cat Lunanoff and The Written Illusion for reviewing! You all should too (as a holiday present to me)!**

** This is probably going to be the last update of the year, so:**

**Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Merry Kwanzaa, and any other holiday I missed! **

**Happy New Year!**

**Review!**

**~TheEpitomeOfBibliophile**


	3. Nightmares

**Okay, this is a lot shorter than the two chapters before it. But I like it. **

**There's going to be a little talk about reviews in the lower A/N, so be ready.**

**But here's the chapter!**

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><p>"Caroline, when are Mum and Father coming home?" I asked, swinging my feet on the bed.<p>

"They should be here any minute," Caroline replied. "I've arranged for a private carriage to pick them up tonight."

_Rap! Rap! _My father's customary knock on the front door sounds the moment Caroline finishes speaking.

"Oh, can I go see them, please?" I begged. "They've been gone for an entire week!"

"Oh, alright," Caroline relented. "But your parents will be very tired, and you must give them their rest."

"I will, Caroline, of course I will!" I said as I jumped off the bed and ran down the stairs. The doors opened as I arrived, and my parents walked in, each carrying a trunk that contained their traveling clothes.

"Mother! Father!" I said, hugging each one in turn.

"Lissa," my mother said warmly.

"Mother, Father, it is good to see you again," my brother said stiffly, arriving with Caroline. She must've alerted him to our parents' arrival.

"Oh, Josh," Mother said, making her way over to him to embrace him.

"How was your trip?" I asked my father.

"It was alright," he replied in his rich, deep voice. "It took far too long for a single demon, don't you think?"

"Oh, yes!" I said, then frowned. "Father, I – someone told me you were dead! You and Mother both!"

"Of course not!" Father said. "You must've been imagining things. It takes more than one silly demon to defeat _us, _even if it was a Greater Demon!"

Mother had suddenly reappeared, and was standing next to Father. I frowned. I had not seen her come over to us again; I thought she was still speaking with Josh.

"But there _is _one thing we could've done," she said with a motherly smile. Something seemed very, very wrong here. "We could've _become _the demon." And with that, she and Father began to change. Their eyes turned red, and their hands elongated into talons. Their skin turned ashen gray, as if someone had poured a bucket of paint over their heads. My parents grew taller, and their hair wilder, and began to advance on me.

"And that is exactly what we did," the demon that had once been my mother hissed, and I saw that her tongue was long, red, and forked like an enormous snake's. Father – could I even call him that anymore? – stretched out his claws and attacked, and Mother followed him. They jumped on top of me, shredding my skin, and I screamed like I never had before.

"_Caroline! _Caroline! Help me!"

My long time ladies maid, servant, and friend stood there helplessly, shaking her head. "I'm sorry," she said softly as the demons that had once been my parents spilled my blood on our home. "Good-bye, Miss Morgenstern." Caroline disappeared, and I screamed and screamed and screamed until the world went dark.

I woke up screaming, and it took me a while to realize I was in the Institute, with the fireplace merrily roaring. But it looked like the angry red eyes of the demons and I cowered, and screamed, my throat hoarse.

The door burst open.

"No!" I cried at the figure who was coming into my room. "I – I won't let you! I've had enough!"

"Lissa?" It was Jem. I broke down, all my defenses crumbling, and sobbed into the coverlet on my bed.

"Jem," I breathed. "Oh, by the Angel, Jem." I murmured his name over and over again, losing myself in the sound of it, _Jem, Jem, Jem, _knowing that this was real, this is real, this is not the dream, this is not the dream.

"Lissa." Jem sounded concerned. "Are you alright?" He stepped forward and hesitantly made his way over to the bed.

"No," I said shakily. "I am not alright."

"I'm so sorry," Jem murmured, and while I'd hated hearing those words come from anyone else's mouth, they seemed to be more sincere when he said it. "It was your parents you were dreaming of, was it not?"

"How – how did you know?" I asked, shocked into telling the truth.

"I have had similar dreams," Jem said, sitting down next to me. "I came to the Institute for the same reasons you did: my parents were murdered by a demon, and I had nowhere else to go."

"But I did!" I cried. "I have a brother, and my parents left him our home, and he threw me out! What have I done to deserve this cruelty?" Jem was silent, and I knew that he had had no such dilemma.

"I do not know," Jem said softly. His silver hair glowed in the firelight, and I stared at it for a moment, finding myself entranced by its beautiful, mysterious depths. Jem put his arm around me for comfort and I shivered, and as the heat rose to my cheeks I told myself it was merely because of the fire, but when Jem and I had stretched the serene silence to its limit, I couldn't help but ask, "Could you – could you, um, not leave?"

"Of course, Lissa," Jem said, and I didn't think that I'd ever heard anyone say my name like that: crooning the short _i, _accenting the double _s. _He made his way over to an overstuffed armchair next to the fire, and I fell asleep again, watching the light catch on his silver hair and drowning in the pools of his eyes.

The dreams came every day for the next month, and whenever I would wake up screaming, Jem would be there, and he would stay there for me, a silver light in the darkness.

"I dreamed of you tonight," I said.

"Did you?" Jem sounded pleasantly surprised.

"You –" I tried not to make it sound childish. "You were there – to protect me – when my parents turned into demons again." I ducked my head so Jem couldn't see my blush.

"I would," he said.

"Pardon?"

"I said, I would," he repeated. "If someone you loved turned into a demon, I would protect you from them."

I tried to act as if Jem hadn't made my heart swell until it felt like it was going to burst.

"Thank you," I whispered, for I had no better words. Jem shook his head.

"_Huānyíng nín, wǒ bù xūyào gǎnxiè. Wǒ xiǎng bāng nǐ," _he said.

"What does that mean?" I asked.

"It means, 'you are welcome, and I require no thanks. I wish to help you,'" Jem replied. "It is Chinese."

"It is beautiful," I said. Jem smiled, and ducked his head.

"If you do not object, I have a – a gift of sorts for you," Jem said.

"Of course I do not object!" I cried. "Thank you, Jem. You have been far kinder than I ever deserved." _Far kinder than you should let him be, _a voice in my head pointed out. _You should push him away. _But I didn't want to.

Jem had pulled out a small case, and from it withdrew a beautiful violin. He placed it under his chin and said, "This is a – a lullaby, of sorts. It is a very old Chinese song." He then placed the bow to the strings, and played.

It was the most beautiful thing I had ever heard. Jem's long, thin fingers moved with the violin, became one with it. The song soared, and I felt myself soar with it. The small room disappeared, and suddenly I was part of the starry night, flying with the rest of the sky over the sleeping world. The music was gentle, coaxing, and yet not condescending, it awakened a part of me that both wanted to dance and to lay down and sleep. When it was over, reality came rushing back in, but somehow the monsters were at bay, because of the music.

"James," I breathed. "That – that was beautiful." He smiled.

"So you liked it, then?" he asked.

"I loved it," I replied. "Thank you."

"It is late," he said. "Will I see you in the morning?" Jem sat down on the bed and put one arm around me, the way he always did, and it still made me blush like a child.

"Of course," I said.

"_Shuì dé hǎo," _Jem said.

"Is that Chinese as well?" I asked.

"Yes," Jem replied.

"What does it mean?"

"It means, 'sleep well,'" Jem said from the doorway.

"_Shuì dé hǎo,_ Jem Carstairs."

* * *

><p><strong>This gave me SO MANY FEELS. Oh. MY. GODS.<strong>

**Anyway: reviews! So I got three and I feel very fortunate, but I also feel bad because I've gotten 100 views on this (THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH!) but three reviews. What kind of a ratio is that? And if you don't have a account, here's why all authors ask for reviews:  
>They make you feel great! Like someone actually wants to read what you've written! And when 70+ people read your fanfic but 2 people review it, it makes you wonder if you're actually a good author at all.<strong>

**So here's a deal: _YOU, _as the reader of this fanfic, will review once every 10 chapters. Starting with whatever chapter you want, one, two, this one, or even the next one. But after I've posted 10 more chapters, review again. Then you have lots of time to go review other, better, fanfics, but I still get my happiness from you typing one or two words and clicking a button.**

**Does that sound fair?**

**I hope so.**

**Thank you so much for being the BEST readers ever and giving me 100 views!**

**~TheEpitomeOfBibliophile**

**PS: To those of you who did review, I'm very grateful! I'm not trying to sound all spoiled and needy, and I'm sorry if I came across that way! I do want more reviews but I'm very happy and grateful for what you gave me :)**


	4. Shadowhunters Don't Have Christmas

**Hi there!**

**Sorry it's taken me so long to update, but this is the longest chapter yet (4k+ words!) and lots of feels! Yay! **

**Also, I forgot to mention last time what's in it for you if you review:  
>First off, I love reading the fanfictions that my readers wrote, so if you review, I'll make sure to check out your profile, read any stories that are written for fandoms that I'm in, and follow you as an author.<br>If there's any specific fanfic you want me to read, include the title in your review.  
>Thanks for reading and giving me 200+ views! (!) <strong>

**Oh, and in case you don't usually read the stuff in italics, please do, because it's pretty important (an entire year has passed and it switches POVs)**

* * *

><p><em>The London Institute, 1875<em>

_Perspective: Lissiane Morgenstern _

_Please Note: An entire year has passed since Lissa has arrived at the Institute._

"We will be having a holiday gift exchange in celebration of the New Year," Charlotte announced at dinner.

"Charlotte, we're Shadowhunters," Will said with an eye roll.

"We don't have Christmas," I added.

"Or Hanukkah," said Will.

"Or Kwanzaa."

"Or –"

"Will, Lissa!" Charlotte burst out, exasperated. "I _know _that, as Nephilim, we do not tend to celebrate mundane holidays. But I believe it would be nice to –"

"Go kill some demons on Christmas?" Will interrupted.

"It _is _Christmas," I whispered.

Will blinked. "Is it?"

"Yes, Will," Charlotte continued. "Each of you should bring a present for at least one other member of the Institute."

"Well, now we know that Will won't be getting anything," I said diplomatically. "And neither will Jessie…" I surveyed the room. "So all the presents will go to Charlotte and Henry and Jem." _Jem. _I wouldn't admit that he was the first person I had thought of when Charlotte had announced gift-giving.

"What about you?" Jem asked from the next seat at the dinner table.

I gave him a wry smile and replied, "I'm no nicer than Will. No presents for me."

"I could argue that," Jem said.

"Hey!" Will cut in. "You're my _parabatai. _You're supposed to agree with me and support me on, well, pretty much anything."

"It still doesn't change that Lissa's nicer," Jem said. My mind was immediately sent reeling as Jem combined the words _Lissa _and _nice _in the same sentence. _It doesn't mean he cares for you, _a voice in my brain protested. _Besides, you want to stay as useful as possible and that means keeping your distance. _

"Go!" Charlotte had finished her instructions. "Be back by 9 o'clock, try not to –"

"Bye Charlotte!" Will stood up and slung his coat over one shoulder. The rest of us followed suit, except, of course, for Henry, who was absently fiddling with something in his hands. I ran after Will and Jem, Jessie behind us, complaining all the way.

* * *

><p>I'd finally, finally, <em>finally <em>lost them. Finally. Will and Jem were as intent on staying with me as a Shax demon on its prey. I didn't know what they were going to do when they realized I was gone, and I felt sort of bad about leaving Jem behind with Will and Jessie – I didn't feel bad about leaving Will alone, nor Jessie – but what had to be done had to be done. I wove my way through the streets, trying to find my way back to a main road. That shouldn't be hard – this _is _London, after all. As I walked through the side streets, I realized that this was the first time I'd had to myself since I came to the Institute. My days had been filled with training with Will and Jem and Jessie, dinner with Henry, Charlotte, and the other wards of the Institute, and Sophie was with me in the in-between hours. While I loved Sophie, and was correct to believe that she was a good choice for a friend, I was always accompanied by someone. In the depths of the night, I'd often wake up – either from a nightmare, or just out of habit, and see Jem, standing in the doorway, as if waiting for me, with a mysterious half-smile on his face, the firelight making his silver hair glow in _that _specific way, the way that made me want to – oh. Oh, my. I couldn't possibly be thinking this. No. Never. He was _Jem; _kind, funny, Jem, and I could not fancy him. It was not right. It was not proper.

And at that moment, in a dark alleyway in London, I realized that I didn't care.

Obviously, I would never tell anyone. Not Will – though we had grown closer, he was still a boy, and it was improper to tell a man that you fancied his _parabatai. _Not Jessie – I could never confide anything in her, ever. Even though I thought of her kindly from time to time, the emphasis is still on _time to time. _I didn't really like Jessie – she was sort of like that bossy older sister who threw fits all the time. Except she was my age. I wondered how a person so young could be so bitter.

Charlotte and Henry were out of the question – no more explanation needed. Charlotte was like a mother to everyone at the Institute, and though we all were on a first-name basis, it would be impolite to burden her with my thoughts.

Sophie – she was incredibly kind, and a good friend. And a female. She seemed a perfect candidate, if anyone was, to tell. But I knew I wouldn't. This was something that I wanted to keep to myself – the way that Jem would watch me protectively as I fell asleep, the way his arm around me as we stared into the firelight made me blush, the way that, after most of my nightmares had stopped, he would still would come into my room and teach me, little by little, in the pitch back of night, how to penetrate the darkness with the violin, his long, scarred fingers on mine.

And I would never tell anyone – _anyone – _about the old Chinese lullaby that still scared away the monsters lurking in my mind.

* * *

><p>I blinked away the bright lights – had I already made it back to a main street? The answer was yes: brightly lit shops lined wherever I was, and a few stores had signs proclaiming: Pure <em>adamas <em>weapons! Now discounted! Or Warlock run for over 150 years!

Perfect. I'd stumbled in to a place where Nephilim and Downworlders were accepted. With a grin on my face, I entered a weapons shop that reminded me of the time I'd gone to Idris with my family and gotten my first sword. On display was a seraph blade, and the handle was carved in the shape of a duck.

_Will, _was my first thought, _would absolutely _hate _this. _A smirk appeared on my face, and a warlock with blue skin gave me a strange look. _I have to get this for him. _I walked up to the man behind the counter and politely asked, "May I have a look at the seraph blade on display?"

The man grunted. "You're not the only Nephilim here wanting to buy duck-related weapons," he said gruffly. _Jem, _I thought.

"Did he, perhaps, look very young but have silvery hair?" I asked, attempting to confirm my suspicions.

"You know him?" the man asked. He stood up and came around the front of the display case, staring me down. I cursed myself for being a short, adolescent fourteen-year old, but then remembered I didn't have to that: I was already cursed.

"I do," I said. "How much is that blade, again?"

"Hm?" the salesman asked.

"The seraph blade," I patiently repeated.

"Oh, I'm pretty sure it has some ancient curse on it," the man said. "I'm forbidden to sell it, but I like keeping it on display. I like ducks."

"Do you have any, er, duck-related merchandise?" I asked, hoping to find something else for Will. "A knife or something?"

"Yes!" The man instantly lit up at my request. He gestured for me to follow him, shouting, "Magnus! A girl wants a duck knife!" A bit confused, I inked on an extra speed, agility, and equilibrium rune in case this _Magnus _character was some sort of demon. My hand creeping to my weapons belt, I followed the tall man into who knows where.

Another man awaited in the room where the salesman stopped. _Definitely a warlock, _I thought as his cat's eyes followed me. He had dark hair, and a permanently amused smirk on his face. He immensely reminded me of Will, and I had to resist the urge to ask him if a stuck up Nephilim who had way too much confidence in his handsome qualities had stopped by to give him a makeover.

"Well," he drawled. "Someone has a smart mouth, don't you?"

"I said that out loud?"

Magnus, because I suppose that's the only person who he could be, laughed. "Yes, you did," he said, his eyes smiling more than his mouth. "Woolsey, you've got to close down this business," he went on. "We're getting far too many haughty, arrogant Nephilim in here."

"I suppose you might want to join us," I said, unable to stop myself. "As you're pretty haughty and arrogant yourself."

Magnus's cat's eyes flicked over to me. "I like you."

"I do too. Most of the time." I stared right back at him. _"Except _when I try to buy my friend a duck knife and get stuck dealing with a certain warlock and a – whatever you are, because I still have another present to buy, and –"

"You're Nephilim," Magnus said.

"Correct."

"You don't celebrate mundane holidays like Christmas."

"Try telling that to Charlotte!" I yelled, than internally cursed myself again for just as good as telling this weird warlock and his friend who ran a business that sold duck knifes where I was staying. "Seriously, if I can't buy anything, I'm going to leave, because I need to find another store,_ really soon, _because Charlotte imposed a stupid curfew, that SELLS DUCK KNIVES!"

Magnus laughed. And then he laughed some more. And kept laughing, and laughing, and laughing.

"Okay, I'm done," he said, wiping tears from his eyes as he saw my glare. I'd learned a thing or two from Will. "If all you wanted was a duck knife, you should've said so." Magnus produced an _adamas _knife with a duck shaped handle and a business card from a trunk. "It's free of charge – I've decided this is going to be my one good act for the day. And also, if you want to come back and make me laugh sometime – throw the card in the Thames."

"Uh, thanks," I said, wondering how I felt about a warlock wanting me for his source of entertainment.

"Don't worry, it's totally voluntary," Magnus said with a smile. "Woolsey, show her out."

* * *

><p>Jem was the only thing on my mind – apart from cursing Will and his stupid duck knife that wasted about half the time I had. And knowing them, the boys would find me soon. Considering that Jem had been in that store meant that they were somewhere around here anyway. I ducked into another shop, this one tidy and warm, a relief from the wind outside. A dark-haired Chinese woman stood behind the counter and smiled as I came in. She waved at me, and as she put her hand down, I saw the Voyance rune on the back of it.<p>

"Hello," I called from across the store. I wondered if I could find anything for Jem in here. His silvery hair and eyes, accompanied by his warm smile, flashed through my mind.

"Hello!" the woman cheerfully replied. Her brown eyes were welcoming, and I knew that there would be _something _suitable for my friends in here. "How can I help you today?" _Jem, _I thought.

"Er…" I looked around wildly, feeling the weight of the duck-handled blade in my backpack. My eyes fell on a small box, depicting some sort of goddess. "What's that?" I asked, pointing to it.

The woman came out from behind the counter, and I saw that she was covered in Marks, like I was. Definitely Nephilim.

"I'm not sure what use the box has," she said, stroking it gently, "but it depicts Kwan Yin, the goddess of mercy and compassion –"

"How much is it?" I asked, immediately knowing this would be a perfect present for Jem. When he was at his worst, Kwan Yin would have mercy on him. Ease his pain, his suffering.

"You need something else, don't you?" she said intuitively, with a knowing smile.

I blinked. "How did you…"

"Come," she invited. "Walk around my shop. I guarantee you'll find _everything _you need here."

I squinted at her. "And how do you know that?"

She laughed. "I had a warlock magick it for me a few years ago. It always produces the shopper's needs."

"Alright then," I said, hoping not to sound suspicious.

True to her word, the store really did contain everything I needed. I found blank music paper and a fountain pen for Jem, a sketchpad for Henry, a journal for Charlotte, and a small hair ribbon for Jessie. The woman smiled broadly when I walked up to the counter again, my arms filled with my purchases.

"What warlock magicked this place for you?" I asked, hoping for her not to answer –

"Magnus Bane."

I groaned. "This is the _second _time this day that he's helped me."

The woman grinned. "Now, that'll be…" she rung me up for a surprisingly low price. I paid, thanked her, and headed out, knowing that I'd have to face an angry Will and an even angrier, though he would not show it, Jem.

* * *

><p>The Institute was still when I arrived. Pain began rolling in my forehead and gut, and I didn't bother to say hello. I dropped my purchases and ran to the only place it could possibly be coming from: Jem.<p>

"Jem!" I yelled. "Jem! _James!" _

"Shut _up, _Lissa!" Will yelled back, and I relaxed a little, but not much, since the pain was still going strong. There was no way Will could feel it, he couldn't know, ever, he couldn't know, he didn't know what it felt like.

I burst into the room. Jem was in his bed, tossing and turning. His face was flushed, and he was murmuring for Will in Chinese.

"When did this happen?" I whispered.

"Not too long ago," Will replied. "We got in a fight with a demon, and Jem tried to – by the Angel, Lissa, how are you supposed to deal with it when your _parabatai _is nobler than you?" Will looked lost, more like the fourteen year old boy he was than the smart mouthed adult he pretended to be.

"Your _parabatai _is nobler than everyone." We stared at Jem for a minute, his silver hair plastered to his face, when –

I shouted in pain, groaning when the feeling subsided and cursing myself for making so much noise.

"What, Lissa?" Will asked, his eyes studying me.

What had I done? This had never happened; I'd stayed my distance from even my family to avoid this section of the curse. I didn't answer Will, instinctively knowing what would happen if I did: all the pent up pain inside of me, as well as what Jem had felt – what I was feeling – would surge back into him, and double, and continue to grow until he sent it back into me, and I couldn't scream or else it would –

A searing bolt of white-hot pain jetted through my entire body, crippling me, and I finally allowed myself to scream, feeling the pain leave my body and return to Jem. _Jem. _

I had never cared for anyone before, and now I learned what would happen if I did.

"Lissa, are you alright?" Will's face swam in my vision, almost looking concerned.

"Don't tell Charlotte," I whispered, suddenly aware of the dried tears on my face. "Whatever you do, don't tell Charlotte about this. Make something up. I can't let her know this happened." The more affection she felt for me, and I for her, the more of a chance there was of something like this happening.

"Lissa–"

"Please, Will." I reached out my hand, hoping to find Jem's, and locked my fingers in his. It would happen any minute, any second –

"Okay," Will said, and I breathed a sigh of relief.

"Mark me."

"What?"

"Soundless."

"You want me to put the Soundless rune on you?" Will seemed confused.

"Yes." I nodded.

"Lissa, I deserve an explanation."

"Do it!"

Will took the stele in his hand and drew, just as Jem's tossing and turning stopped and he shouted, and all of what he'd held in came flowing back to me, and the only thought I had was that if one of us died, it was better me than him.

The pain was like a serpent, writhing around my body, finding new places to nest – my legs, my arms, my head – until my body felt like it was on fire – no, I _was _on fire. The flames consumed me, and I let them, thinking _better me than him, better me than him, better me than – _

"Lissa!" Will shouted. His arms were around me – was it an embrace? No, he was constraining me, my flailing limbs cowering against the fire. His arms were iron brands, and I screamed, but no sound came out. _Better me than him, better me than him. _"Lissa, you're burning!" I shook my head no, but Will didn't take notice. "Lissa, what's happening?" _Better me than him, better me than him. _

"I'm taking you to Charlotte!" Will yelled into my ear.

"_No!" _I tried to say, but the Soundless rune was doing its job. Not Charlotte, just don't tell Charlotte, don't tell her, _don't tell Charlotte._

"Will, just leave me here!" I mouthed, but he didn't understand, he couldn't understand. As a new wave of pain racked my body, I let it take over and sank like a stone into unconsciousness.

* * *

><p><em>The London Institute, 1875<em>

_Perspective: William Herondale_

I'd always known Lissa was hiding something. But I still didn't know what. She had burst into Jem's room as soon as she'd arrived back from the market – something I would've done. For the first time, I saw what everyone meant when they said that we were alike. But apart from that, no.

Lissa had always had an odd sort of connection to Jem, something I couldn't help but envy, even though Jem was my _parabatai _and had been for the past two years. I would see it sometimes, in the way that Lissa would touch Jem's upper arm lightly when he made a joke, or the way everything else seemed to disappear to her when Jem was ill. The way that Lissa would refuse to move if anyone told her while she was waiting on him, even if he was asleep, and even if that 'anyone' was a Silent Brother. I would see it in the way that Jem would lean over to Lissa and whisper something in her ear, in the way that he would study her face in the firelight during dinner. I would see it in the way that Jem would shout Lissa's name, followed by a torrent of Chinese, when he was sleeping and feverish.

And now I saw it when Lissa reached her hand towards Jem, and Jem's fingers curled around hers tighter than she gripped his.

"Mark me."

"What?" I was disoriented. Something was seriously wrong, and it had to do with the little wall Lissa had built around herself, how every smile came with a frown, and a drawback into her own world behind the barrier.

"Soundless," Lissa said.

"You want me to put the Soundless rune on you?" What would she need that for?

"Yes."

"Lissa, I deserve an explanation."

"Do it!" she hissed at me.

I whipped out my stele and drew the rune, ready to ask her again to explain before I remembered that, with the Soundless rune, she couldn't speak.

A cracking sound that came from Lissa and Jem's outstretched hands made her open her mouth in a silent scream. She shook, and began murmuring silently to herself, eyes closed.

She was in pain; that I could tell. And Jem… Jem's eyes were closed, and the flush on his cheeks had gone down. It was as if Lissa had taken his pain and bore it herself.

Experimentally, I stretched my hand towards her forehead. She bat it away with what should've been a shout. I crept up behind her and wrapped my hands around her thin frame.

"Lissa!" I shouted. She curled up, shaking her head. I pried it out of the ball she had become and pressed my hand to her forehead, just long enough to feel the heat of her fever – Jem's fever. "Lissa, you're burning!"

Dried tears coated her face, and she mouthed, "Will, just leave me here!" I shook my head, and picked her up. Lissa jerked, and I shook her limp form, but she was already unconscious.

Lissa's dark, wavy hair plastered to her brow and hung over my arms as I shouted for help.

"Charlotte! Henry! Jessie? Anyone?!" I tore through the halls, Lissa's body startlingly hot against my own.

"Will!" It was Charlotte. Lissa's words echoed in my mind, but I needed her to save Lissa. _Sorry, _I apologized mentally.

"Take her." I held out my arms, trying again to put on the semblance of distaste that I usually managed. "Demon, I think. Maybe a mis-drawn _iratze. _I don't know. I just found her." Charlotte gave me a reproving look, and I hoped that I had done what Lissa wanted by excluding Jem from the picture in the first place.

"Oh, my," Charlotte clucked. "Well, I believe that the Silent Brother treating Jem hasn't left yet; we'd better get her down to the infirmary." I followed Charlotte with Lissa in my arms, hoping that she would be okay – hoping that Jem would be okay.

* * *

><p><em>The London Institute, 1875<em>

_Perspective: Lissiane Morgenstern_

"Lissa?" Charlotte's gentle voice awakened me, and I cursed Will mentally for taking me to her. The one instruction I give, and he manages to not follow it. "Will says you had a pretty bad run-in with a Shax demon." He made up a cover story. _Will _made up a cover story! Will did what I wanted him to! _Will!_

"Yes," I replied. "I saw him when I came in, but didn't have any time to explain more than that. May I see him?"

"Will?"

"Yes."

"Of course," Charlotte said, seemingly flustered. She stood up and called, "Will? Will!"

"Right here, Charlotte." Will seemingly appeared from nowhere out of the shadows.

"Lissa would like to –"

"See me. I know."

Charlotte left with a smile and a, "Call me if you need anything!"

And then I was alone with Will.

"Thanks."

He arched one eyebrow. "That's all I get?"

"Yeah. Why?"

"Don't you think I deserve an explanation?"

"No." I got up.

"Shouldn't you be resting?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"Ailments are tricky business, Mr. Herondale." I began to walk away; the curse left no aftereffects like a sickness did.

"Curses are tricky business, I think." I could hear the smile in Will's voice.

I stopped dead.

"What do you know about curses?" I whispered.

"More than you'd think, Miss Morgenstern," Will said smoothly. "More than you'd think."

* * *

><p>"Though we have had a few, er, setbacks," Charlotte said with a smile, looking at Jem and I, who were sitting next to each other, "We <em>finally <em>can have our non-Christmas celebration."

"Hurrah!" Will said sarcastically, earning a disapproving look from Charlotte.

I didn't expect anything. I was serious when I'd told Jem that I wasn't going to get any presents. So I was pleasantly surprised when Will came up to me and said, "Lis, I got you a gift."

"Oh really?" I didn't tell him that he was filling in the place of brother in my life at the moment, and the nickname was appropriate.

"Yeah." Will grinned.

"And what's that?" I arched one eyebrow.

"Air from my lungs!" Will blew in my face, and I couldn't help but laugh as I removed the duck knife from my pocket.

"I got you a present too, Willers," I said, and threw the knife at the wall, hitting it perfectly on the little piece of paper someone had hung up but never took down. "Go fetch." Will gave me a withering look, but jogged over and yanked the knife out of the wall.

"It's a _duck!" _he screamed in horror. Jem laughed, and I laughed with him.

"Thoughtful gift," Jem said as Will returned, dangling the knife from between his fingers.

"I know," I replied. "I got something for you."

Jem smiled. "A knife?"

"No," I said with my own grin. I found the box and music paper that I'd dropped when I arrived yesterday. "It's not wrapped, but…" Jem instantly knew what the box was for, and I had to encourage him, "open it!" His face lit up when he saw the paper, and instantly exclaimed, "Oh, thank you, Lissa!" I smiled, happier than I thought possible, when Jem got up.

"Where are you –" I began, but my question was cut off when Jem returned with a large box.

"It's not wrapped either, but…" I smiled at him, forgetting the curse and everything I'd gone through, because it was all okay, because I had this moment with just me and Jem. The box, it turned out, was not a box at all, but a case, and inside it was…

"Jem!" I gasped, letting the lid bang shut and throwing my arms around him, not caring who saw, and his were around me too, and as we drew apart he grinned that sly, silvery grin that I was falling for every second.

"You like it, then?" he asked.

"James," I said with a smile. "I _love _it."

"You know that you're going to be _awful _at the violin, right?" Will asked, appearing out of some demonic realm to ruin our fun.

"Oh, I know," I said, grinning up at him. I slung my arm around Jem and squeezed his shoulders. "That's why I'm getting such a great teacher."

* * *

><p><strong>Okay, so that was Chapter 4! I could've sworn it was longer when it was still in Microsoft Word, but *sighs* I guess the world isn't a wish granting factory.<strong>

**10 points if you got one reference**

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**See you in the next chapter!**

**Allons-y!**

**~TheEpitomeOfBibliophile**


	5. Happy Birthday: Part One

**Hi there!**

**So I was reading stuff, and I realized just how ungrateful I sound. **

**I've gotten eight reviews (!) and reading each one has filled me up with so much fangirl joy that you can't even imagine. I want to thank everyone who reviewed and made me so happy, even if it was only a word or two. It thrills me to know that so many people have read and enjoyed my work.**

**And we also can never ever forget Cat Lunanoff. Seriously, I need a round-of-applause thing inserted right here because this girl is SO. AMAZING. She's reviewed every single one of my chapters and made my day every time - sometimes my entire week. I have to say thank you _SO _much, I can't even put it in words, just feel my gratitude. Thank you SO MUCH. **

**And without further adieu, here's the chapter!**

* * *

><p><em>The London Institute, 1876<em>

_Perspective: Third Person Limited (James Carstairs)_

Jem was in the music room. His violin case lay open next to Lissa's, the box that held his instrument hurriedly thrown open in his haste to take it out. And yet now that he had it, the violin, in his hands, he still felt something missing.

It was Lissa.

Lissiane Morgenstern. The Institute's fourth ward. Jem would think about making her part of the dysfunctional family that he'd created with Will and Jessie, but while Lissa seemed to be like a sister to them, Jem had never been able to think of her that way.

And yet there were times when Lissa retreated into that odd shell of hers: eyes flashing, hiding behind her words.

There were times when Lissa would wake up screaming in the night, when she would call out for someone – for Jem, sometimes, and guiltily, secretly, he liked that.

He liked that she trusted him.

He hoped that she trusted him.

He hoped that she knew that he meant what he said that night: if she was in danger, he would not hesitate to help her.

Even if it put his own life in danger.

Jem knew that Lissa would do the same for him – it was almost as if she hated herself with a burning passion, believing that anyone else would be better to save than her. It was as if she thought that recklessly throwing herself in the path of danger would make up for the great sin of her existence.

Like Will.

But worse.

Will roamed the city at night, finding odd, eccentric places in Downworld.

Dangerous places.

But nothing like the way that Lissa would seem to expect people to put themselves ahead of her. At the Institute, they didn't do that. They looked out for one another.

Jem wouldn't do that to her.

It was all very mundane, the way Shadowhunters wrapped up their feelings in words like _fancy _or _care for, _words that meant nothing but pretty faces covered with the disguise of makeup and handsome men with poisonous minds.

No, it had been two years, and the feeling was clear: _love._

Four letters.

One syllable.

Three words – three words, each with one syllable to call their own – to change a life.

Three words with eight letters total.

Ten, if you counted the spaces.

Three words.

Three words that Jem would never say.

Three words that would not fall from his lips, that would not be heard by anyone, much less this girl – Lissiane Morgenstern, who called him James sometimes, - who he was falling in love with.

There was no other word: it was love.

"Jem?" a slight figure appeared in the doorway. Jem had not realized that he'd been playing the violin all this time, filling up the space that should've been filled with Lissa: her laugh, her smile, her sarcasm, even her temper. "Jem, are you alright?" Was he hearing things? Seeing things? Was there any way that Lissa could come to the music room at the exact time he was there? It wasn't possible. It must've been his condition. That was the only explanation.

"Go away, Will," Jem growled, in case his _parabatai _actually was there. He returned his attention to the violin –

"By the Angel, Jem, you idiot, _how _many times do I have to tell you I'm not Will?" Jem stopped at the sound of the voice – yes, the only voice it could've been –

"_Lissa?" _

"Of _course _it's me, you fool!" she cried. "Who else would come up to the music room in the middle of the night to see you – and _don't _say Will, okay? – because –" Lissa stopped. "Because –"

"Can you sit down?" Jem's voice was husky, low, becoming the voice of a man as he grew into adulthood.

"Of course," Lissa said, taking a seat next to him. With the moonlight splashing on her face, Jem saw her beauty – what he'd missed for the two years their friendship had grown, even though Lissa had tried repeatedly to pull herself away.

Lissa was absentmindedly staring at the instruments, so Jem finally allowed himself to stare – no, merely _observe – _her. Lissa's dark hair was wind-blown, as one of the open windows let in a breeze, and tangled from the lack of combing. It was usually in a ponytail, or braid, and Will had nearly chopped it off once before Charlotte intervened ("I didn't really care," Lissa had said afterwards with a shrug. "I'd thought about cutting it, and this was a good way to make the decision."), but Jem had never admitted that he'd liked the way it was: long and wild. Lissa's tan skin – but tan was not really the word to describe it, nor caramel, but a glowing in-between shade – looked pale in the moonlight as the beams washed over her. Her startlingly vibrant green eyes always lit up animatedly when she spoke, and Jem always felt washed-out next to the colorful girl who always sat beside him. Lissa had a small nose, something Jessamine had criticized, (but stopped when an irritated Lissa snapped, "Are you only doing this to me because _your _nose is gigantic?"), but Jem found strangely down putting to Lissa's fiery demeanor and extensive fighting skills. A small smattering of barely-there freckles ran across her cheekbones, and semi-arched eyebrows made for a good sarcastic look while having verbal battles with Will, though, as she'd randomly confessed to Jem, she regretted not being able to raise one at a time. Lissa was short, with a small frame, making Jem feel like a giant around her. It was nothing compared to when she was with Will, though; passersby sometimes would stop to laugh when she challenged the much taller boy.

_How could I ever have thought that Lissa wasn't beautiful? _Jem thought, watching her. _Because beauty isn't something that can be taught, or mimicked, and while Lissa is not one's traditional sense of beauty, she is striking nonetheless – not only in looks, but in her soul._

"Jem," Lissa said, sounding urgent. Jem suspected she'd called him more than once.

"Hm?" Jem made a noncommittal noise of compliance. He wanted to lean in and…

"Jem, you're going to drop you're violin!"

"Hm?" Jem looked down to see his instrument had slipped almost entirely from his fingers. He swore, grasping at it before the slippery wood fell through his fingers. "By the Angel, Lissa, thank you."

"Well, someone has to save you and I'm the only one here," she said with a laugh, putting her hand on Jem's. It took a heartbeat for Jem to realize that Lissa had snatched it off, and her brown cheeks were aflame with a fiery red blush.

"Lissa…" Jem's plaintive voice trailed off when Lissa turned to face him.

"James." Her tone was even, their faces hardly an inch apart.

"Lissiane." Jem's voice trembled, but he held his ground. "Lissiane, I apologize profoundly for what I am about to do."

"Jem, don't be sorry…" she whispered, and as Jem leaned forward, Lissa tilted her face forwards – was she returning his – and then all his thoughts were shattered as their lips were on each other's, gentle, so gentle, and there was something fierce lying under it, something that told Jem and Lissa that their attraction was more than a passing fancy, and no matter what they did, it would stay with them. And for Jem, there was nothing more than her lips on his, soft, still sleepy from waking up so late in the night – or was it early morning? – tasting of the sweet vanilla milk she'd drank at dinner, and those eyes, those bright green eyes, lighting up the world with color, lighting up _Jem _with color, silver Jem and bright Lissa, together.

For Lissa it was his eyes, the silver like molten lead, drawing her in like a whirlpool, and his lips, with the sweet smell of yin fen, so silvery like the boy she loved, the boy whose lips were on hers, so intoxicating and yet so dangerous. The cautioning voices in Lissa's mind disappeared as she kissed him, and the reason in Jem's mind must've done the same, because their kisses grew deeper, and there was nothing but each other.

It didn't matter anymore that Jem was colorless, because as long as he and Lissa were together, wrapped in this embrace until the end of time, it would all be okay. Because as long as he and Lissa were together, Jem was as colorful as he'd been before all this happened.

Before Yanluo attacked.

Before he was addicted.

Before.

They finally broke apart, yearning for each other again, wanting the thing that they'd needed most and finally had, just a taste, on one day.

"You know…" Lissa whispered. "You know it's my birthday, right?"

* * *

><p>"Will?" Jem stood hesitantly in his <em>parabatai's <em>doorway, hoping not to sound as foolish as he felt.

"Yeah?" Will looked up from whatever he was doing – by the looks of it, remodeling the handle on the knife Lissa had given him for Christmas – or whatever their holiday celebration had been called – the year before.

"It's Lissa's birthday." Jem shifted his weight awkwardly.

"That's nice," Will said with apparent disinterest. When Jem didn't leave, he sighed, "I suppose you want to _do _something for her?"

Jem paused. That was _exactly _what he wanted to do, but the way Will said it made him wonder if he'd been wrong in coming to enlist his help. "Yes," he answered finally.

Will sighed dramatically. "What are you going to do next, proclaim your undying love?"

Jem didn't answer, and Will, who had gone back to mauling the duck, looked up again.

"You're kidding."

Jem stayed silent.

"James, tell me you're kidding!"

Jem hesitated. "No," he said slowly. "I…I cannot tell you that."

Will stood up, letting the knife clatter to the floor. His eyes were locked on his _parabatai's,_ and he whispered, "James…" He was silent for a few moments, then asked, "Does she know?"

Jem sighed. "I'm not sure," he confessed. "Nor do I believe that… that she returns my feelings."

"James, you idiot, how could she not?"

Jem's silvery gaze held Will as if he was suspended in midair. "Perhaps because I am a dying addict to _yin fen." _

"She doesn't care!" Will blurted, without knowing what he was going to say. But the moment he did, he knew it was true. "She doesn't care, James, I know she…" Jem still remained silent. "What makes you think that?"

"I kissed her." Jem's tone was light, his words simple and blunt. "This morning, in the music room." Will couldn't help but feel the tiniest hint of a smile – a real smile – spread across his face.

"Then what makes you –" Will stopped. "She kissed you back, didn't she?"

"Yes."

"Then _why _do you think that Lissa does not care for you in the same way that you care for her?"

"She left." Jem folded his arms over his chest. "After."

"So?"

"She was crying."

Will stood up. "What do you want to do for her birthday again?"

* * *

><p>Lissa couldn't stop the flow of her tears after the kiss she'd shared with Jem that morning. Though every cell in her body had screamed at her that this was the only thing that mattered, she knew that she was only hurting him by letting herself get close to him.<p>

But the kiss was the best present she'd ever gotten, birthday or otherwise.

And Lissa loved him.

_Jem. _

"Hey." It was Will.

"Go away."

"What, no respect?" Will smirked.

"Get out of my room or I'll attack you."

"Someone's moody." Will stepped across the threshold.

"I said, get _out!" _

"Why are you crying?" Will pressed. He needed to know that he was right, and Jem was wrong.

"Go away."

"Really, Lissa, I just want to help you."

"Go. Away."

"Lissa –"

"Leave!"

"But –"

"It's my birthday, okay, and I got the only thing that I wanted, and it's slowly going to kill me, alright?"

"Ailments are tricky business, Miss Morgenstern." A smile played about Will's lips; Lissa's words replayed in his head: "the only thing that I wanted."

"I think you mean, curses are tricky business, Mister Herondale." His own words had come back to haunt him, and Will, who had turned to go, stopped.

He'd suspected that Lissa was cursed, but never for her to admit it this blatantly.

"Come train," Will offered, turning around.

"I'll be down in a second," Lissa said, not questioning the sudden change in topic.

"Of course." Will gave her a curt nod. "I'll see you then."

* * *

><p><strong>Er, sorry that this chapter is kind of cut off in the middle, but a) I have mild writer's block - it exists and it's them most frustrating thing on the planet, so this is probably awful so I'm sorry if I made you read something bad, and b) I'm going to do it in two parts.<strong>

**Also: if you got 1+ of the references in the last chapter, PM me and I'll send you a little teaser of what's going to happen later in the story. (Yay for my planning which is totally of course but whatever!) **

**Thanks again to Cat Lunanoff for being so awesome and supportive and just eeeee! **

**~TheEpitomeOfBibliophile**


	6. Happy Birthday: Part Two

**Hi there guys! **

**So this is the second half of Lissa's birthday chapter and I'm updating now instead of, like, Saturday, because a) I'm feeling really inspired and b) I want to get to _Angel _pretty soon (like maybe three-five more chapters, sorry...) and c) the amount of reviews for this story has reached double digits and the amount of views has reached over five hundred. And I'm just like: OH. MY. GOD. By the Angel, you guys are AMAZING. I mean, _half a thousand views ohmygod! _So yeah. Thank you.**

**And also again to Cat Lunanoff for her AMAZING review last chapter and to Guest for giving me the tenth review (!) and to everyone else - The Written Illusion and all you guys - for helping me get to where I am now and I'm just going to shut up now and give you guys the chapter because you don't want to read this...**

**So without further adieu, (and there was an awful lot of it!), here it is!**

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><p><em>The London Institute, 1876<em>

_Perspective: Third Person Limited (Lissiane Morgenstern)_

_Jem doesn't care, _Lissa reminded herself sternly, even as she stared into the mirror, checking her reflection on all sides. _There is no way that he cares. _Lissa's hands went up to her hair, making sure that not a single strand was out of place. _Jem doesn't love you. _

Her hands stopped moving entirely. _That's right, _part of her mind jabbed, _he doesn't love you and he never will. _

A tiny tear leaked its way out of her eye, tracing a tiny river down her cheek and landing with a splash on the vanity table. _He doesn't love you and he never will. _

It had been easy enough to ignore her feelings for Jem when he wasn't there. It was harder when he was in front of her, smiling that silvery smile, devoid of color and yet full of life. It was as if Jem made up for his short lifespan by living three times the amount that everyone else did. It had been too hard in the music room this morning, as she watched him out of the corner of her eye, the breeze blowing his hair in frustratingly adorable patterns. What she would've done to run her hands through it, Lissa thought with a sigh. But it had been obvious by the way that Jem looked at her that he thought of her as a friend, nothing more. The brotherly affection in his eyes when they rested on her, the way that she felt like Jem was holding back sometimes, as if there was another side of his personality that she had never seen. And then, idiotically, she'd kissed him.

A tiny part of her wanted to believe that he'd kissed her back, that he'd felt the same explosion of sparks and the same rush of life and love, that he, too, felt that this one kiss wasn't enough. But Lissa could see by the way that Jem had not tried to stop her when she left, by the way that he had not stood and wiped away the tear, the way that his eyes contained so much guilt as they were locked on hers, that Jem did not feel the way she did. One didn't kiss their siblings. Jem wouldn't kiss Lissa.

Lissa was afraid for him. She was afraid for the next time that he was ill, the next time her curse set in. The increased pain might overwhelm him. It might _kill _him. Jem might die earlier than he already was going to, and because Lissa was selfish and had spent her birthday morning kissing him.

She wished she could regret it.

And though she knew that Jem, kind, selfless Jem, would never see her and hold her in the same regard that she held him, she still stood in front of the vanity, looking at the way the gear slid over her body and how her hair held its braid.

"Excuse me," a mild voice said from her doorway.

"Sophie, there's no reason to be polite; I've told you a million times –"

"I'm not Sophie."

Lissa spun around to see Jem leaning against the doorframe, her cheeks reddening in embarrassment.

"Jem – I'm so sorry – I didn't know it –" Lissa cursed herself for stuttering like an idiot, but Jem only smiled.

"It's alright," he replied. "Will was wondering where you were."

Lissa's heart plunged. Jem was simply being kind, and sparing her from the verbal attack Will would've given her by coming up to get her for training.

"Of course," Lissa said, cheeks flaming. "Tell Will I'll be down in a second."

* * *

><p>Lissa didn't expect anything. Sure, it was her birthday, but seriously? It was Will they were talking about. Of course, it was Jem too, but Jem seemed oblivious to the fact that it was her birthday, even though she'd told him that morning. Lissa paused outside the doors to the training room, took a deep breath, turned the knobs, and –<p>

"Happy birthday!" Jessie, Will, Charlotte, even Henry, and Jem cried as Lissa threw open the doors. Her hand flew to her mouth as she saw them standing there, looking as festive as one could while wearing fighting gear in a room full of weapons.

"By the Angel –" she gasped. "Did you do this for _me?"_

Will snorted. "No, we did it for Jessie," he deadpanned, then turned to the group. "Can we eat the cake now?"

"Will –" Charlotte admonished, but the dark-haired boy had already turned and began running towards the back of the room.

"It was supposed to be for you," Will called, "but I think that –" Jem had beaten Will to Lissa's birthday cake and plucked the knife from Will's hand.

"It _is _for her," Jem said with a grin as Lissa made her way to the back of the training room, where a rich brown cake lay on the center of the table.

"It's chocolate peppermint." Will didn't take his eyes off it. "It's _beautiful." _

"Will, let Lissa have the first slice," Charlotte said. "It is her birthday, after all."

Lissa smiled at Jem as he cut the slice of the cake for her. "I _love _peppermint."

"We know," Will said before Jem could respond. "Remember those candy canes at the Christmas party last year?"

Lissa grinned. "All too well," she said, sinking in the memory of the sharp peppermint sticks in her mouth.

"Do you like it?" Jem spoke quietly, leaning down close enough so that his lips almost brushed her ear.

"It's perfect," Lissa said, hoping that her eyes did not betray the way her heart fluttered as they came in close contact. "I love it."

"_Měihǎo de yītiān wéi yīgè měilì de nǚhái," _Jem said softly.

Lissa looked up at him and smiled. "What does that mean?"

"It means, 'A perfect birthday only comes once a year," Jem said, handing her the plate. "Here, shall we sit?" He gestured to a corner of the training room which wasn't cover in weapons or targets. Lissa sat down next to him and hoped that her staring wasn't obvious. She simply couldn't help it, Jem's strong profile gazed out ahead of her, and Lissa felt her cheeks color as she replayed that morning's kiss for the millionth time in her head.

"Am I interrupting anything?" Will asked as he hovered above them; Lissa felt distinctly annoyed, as if Will had walked in on a private moment.

"No, of course not," Jem replied with a smile directed at his _parabatai. _

Will sat down. "It's a shame Agatha didn't make any more cake," he said, gesturing to his half-empty plate. "I only agreed to help Jem with this entire event because he promised there'd be chocolate." Will cut into the remaining part of his large slice with vigor. "Then again, it _does _have peppermint in it, which is a disadvantage –"

"Hey!" Lissa protested. "I love peppermint!"

Will shook his head. "It's so… _icy," _he sighed.

"Like your heart," Lissa retorted.

Jem laughed. "Well, _this _escalated quickly."

Will gestured animatedly with his fork. "It's true, all right," he said with a smirk. "Lis here just forgot to mention that her precious little heart is frozen as well."

Lissa dipped her head in agreement. "I guess," she replied amiably.

"And you _still _don't see the similarity?" Jem asked incredulously.

Will and Lissa groaned in unison. "Not _this _again," Will complained.

"I thought we settled that over the Behemoth demon," Lissa added.

Jem smiled. "Fine, fine. I'll give it up." His hand almost came to rest on Lissa's, and Will caught the movement. A silent exchange passed between the two of them, and Lissa wished that she didn't know them as well as she did.

_Will: Go ahead! If you have feelings for her, express them!_

_Jem: Will, you know I can't._

_Will: I know _what?

_Jem: You know that I won't._

_Will: Why not?_

_Jem: Will, you know why I won't give her empty promises!_

_Will: They're not empty!_

_Jem: They are, and – _

Lissa looked away. It was obvious by their facial expressions that what she'd known all along was true. Jem finally shook his head and Will sent him a disparaging look.

"Hey," Lissa said to break the silence. "We _were _supposed to train, right?"

* * *

><p>Will barely flinched as the twenty seventh knife landed above his head.<p>

"Great!" Lissa applauded from where she stood, "Now watch out!" _Thunk. _

Twenty eight.

_Thunk. _

Twenty nine.

_Thunk. _

Thirty.

"Step away from the target now!" Jem called, surveying their work. Will jogged back to stand with them, and saw the outline of his body created entirely out of the blade of thirty knives.

"You cut it close," Will said with a whistle.

Lissa grinned. "Now watch _this." _She threw ten more knives in rapid succession, each one landing inside the cutout of Will's body, creating a –

"No, no, no, no, _no!" _Will screamed, running towards the target and pulling out every last knife inside the Will-cutout.

"He _really _hates ducks," Lissa observed quietly.

Jem laughed. "Don't you?"

Lissa had only told anyone about her duck hatred once, and it was Jem, when she had first arrived, and he had been half asleep, feverish, and delirious. A warm feeling spread throughout her chest as she realized that he'd remembered what she'd said on that day, two years ago.

"I have completely and totally recovered from my hatred," she said with an innocent smile, watching Will's expression as he yanked out the knives forming the outline of a duck's head. "He's hilarious." Jem laughed along with her.

Lissa reached out a hand towards Jem before snatching it away. They stood in silence for a moment before Henry ran up to them, saying "Lissa! It is your birthday, isn't it?"

"Yes," Lissa replied, somewhat wary of the stick-shaped object Henry was holding.

"I brought you a present!" Henry beamed as broadly as if he'd just announced that he'd eliminated all demons from Earth and summoned Raziel to help him.

"Thank you!" Lissa said politely, still a bit afraid. Henry pulled the stick-like object from out behind his back, revealing to all its true identity.

"It's a parasol." Lissa seemed a bit disappointed, and Henry pouted.

"Fine then!" he huffed. "I thought girls _liked _parasols!" Henry threw the delicate umbrella across the room –

"_Henry!" _Charlotte squealed as it hurtled past her, suddenly moving much faster and growing even more silvery than it already had when Henry had first shown her the shimmering, ladylike gift.

_Thunk. _The parasol hit the wall and something else – something sharp and dangerous – shot out of the handle. Lissa and Jem ducked as it flew over their heads and hit the wall behind them.

"Hm." Henry seemed pleased. "I forgot it – _oof!" _He broke off suddenly as Lissa hugged him.

"Thank you so much, Henry!" She grinned up at him; though Henry was not tall, Lissa was still shorter. "I love it so much, and it's so inconspicuous too!" Henry smiled back down at her, and Will, who had finished yanking all the knives out of the wall, cleared his throat.

"Give her a parasol and she's disappointed," he lamented, "but give her a weapon and it's like you're the center of the universe."

"Oh, shut up," Lissa said, but she was smiling as she stood next to Jem. "I don't see you giving me anything."

Will smirked. "I have given you the gift of my amazing presence and charisma," he said.

Henry walked over to the parasol, which had turned into a throwing star, and pressed a button on its handle. The knife wobbled from its place in the wall and flew across the room, inserting itself into the bottom of the umbrella. The sharp blades in the spokes retracted until it looked like a normal parasol again. Henry handed the parasol to Lissa, who twirled it and said, "You'd better not get on my bad side, Will."

"You have a good side?" Will asked.

"Of course," Lissa said with a grin. "Reserved exclusively for Jem. And Charlotte. And Henry."

"Doesn't sound so exclusive," Will remarked.

"Well, _you're _not on that list anywhere, so I wouldn't be commenting," Lissa reminded him. Jem had slipped his pinky finger through Lissa's, and she had squeezed his hand without a second thought.

* * *

><p>"So, how was it?" Jem asked her as they stood alone in the empty training room. In reply, Lissa stood on her tiptoes and hugged him, though she knew that she would regret it the next time Jem was ill.<p>

But she was selfish.

She didn't care.

She loved it.

She hardly felt Jem's lips brush her forehead, but there was still more meaning behind her words as she said, "Best. Birthday. _Ever."_

* * *

><p>It was taking Will forever to remake the duck knife, and another interruption came as he heard a knock on his opened door.<p>

"Come on in, Jem, there's no need to be polite," he said without looking up.

"I'm not Jem."

"Lissa?"

"No, it's Sophie."

"What do you want, Lissa?" Will finally looked up to see the short girl's silhouette in his doorway.

She shifted, and Will could swear he could see her dark cheeks reddening in the black of the barely lit hallway. It _was _late, after all, and Lissa probably should be sleeping. She took a deep breath and hesitantly but determinedly asked, "When's Jem's birthday?"

Will couldn't stop grinning.

* * *

><p><strong>This gave me feels to write and yes, Cat, the peppermint was inspired by you :) <strong>

**I got the parasol idea from Jessie's parasol, don't judge me, okay?**

**And also I have never mentioned this but, as much as I would've liked to have created Jem, he belongs to Cassandra Clare. *sigh* Only Lissa is mine but she is entirely mine and yeah, the Infernal Devices are also Cassie Clare's. *sigh***

**Gosh, I hate disclaimers. They're so depressing.**

**And Guest, I added in that hint of romance for you :) I'm really sorry but the chapters leading up to _Angel _are going to be painful to read and write because it's going to break your heart with the denial that the other is in love with them and just _erph. _So yeah, sorry.**

**And um, just a hint, the Chinese does NOT mean what I said it did. What Jem said. So go on Google Translate or wait until I tell you which will take like another ten chapters! Mwahahaha.**

**This is like the longest A/N ever, so sorry. Have a nice life.**

**Don't forget to review though!**

**~TheEpitomeOfBibliophile**


	7. A Dragon: Part One

**Erm, hi! *little wave***

**So, please don't murder me for not updating I feel really bad but it's just been CRAZY and then when I finally had time to write I got sick _BUT - _**

**you don't care about this so just read the chapter and yeah, it's not that great and yeah, it's short (I did your favorite thing and split it in half, I know, thank me - NOT) but it's here!**

**Also: Clockwork Angel is in sight! There's this chapter, the rest of it, the one after it, the one after that, and then the one after that is Clockwork Angel! (If that made sense!)**

**So sorry for the forever long A/N and the incredibly bad chapter, but here we go!**

* * *

><p><em>The London Institute, 1777<em>

_Perspective: Lissiane Morgenstern_

"There's a Dragon demon down in a dark alley a few streets over," Will said cheerfully as he picked up his jacket and headed out the door. "Be back in a –"

"I would think not, Will!" Charlotte's reprimand came from the hallway as she walked briskly into the entry hall. I'd always wondered how she was able to make her short stature look commanding, and if she could teach _me _any of those tricks.

Will slumped. _"Char-lotte," _he complained. "I'm a Shadowhunter. We kill demons. There's a demon out there, therefore, I'm going to go kill it!" He turned to leave again.

"Will." Charlotte's voice was sharp. "At least take Lissa and Jem with you." She sounded resigned, and I knew that no matter how hard she tried, Will constantly pushed her away.

"Fine." Will shot a dagger-sharp look at the head of the Institute, before dramatically pulling himself away from the wall and calling, "Jem! Get down here! Charlotte says Lissa and I need a chaperone!"

I smacked Will lightly on the arm. "He's lying!" I called up the stairs. "It's me whom Charlotte is sending to look after the two of you! Might get yourselves killed without me!"

Will shoved me and took his place again. "Just get down here before one of us kills the other," he yelled. There was a clattering of footsteps on the stairs as Jem arrived, dressed in gear.

"I see you two are ready," Jem said. Will looked over at me as if noticing my attire for the first time.

"You're in gear."

I rolled my eyes. "Really? I hadn't noticed."

"She's always in gear, Will, have you not been paying any attention at all?"

"I try not to look."

"I don't try. I succeed," I butted in. "Will really isn't very noticeable, if you ignore him hard enough. He's practically invisible. Like an ant."

Jem gave a startled laugh, and I grinned. I loved the sound that was always my reward for making Jem happy. I could hear him speak, hear him laugh, see him smile, all day.

"We'd better get going," Will said stiffly. "Come along, Jem, and we'll try to ignore the cockroach along with us."

"Cockroaches are larger than ants," I helpfully supplied as we started for the door. "I'm almost positive that they eat ants, too. Far more difficult to ignore."

"You're impossible," Will said, but I could hear the smile in his voice. As I looked over at Jem, I saw that he was shaking in silent laughter. "Thomas, ready the horses, please, we need a carriage," he instructed as we walked out the door and into the musty afternoon air.

"Of course," Thomas said with a polite dip of his head. I shook my own, wondering how anyone could manage to be – and stay – so polite to Will over all these years. Thomas' self-control and discipline was something I could only wish for.

_What of Jem? _my mind asked, my thoughts returning to him as they so often did. _Is he not kind and controlled, calm in the face of, well, Will, but not only that, but putting up with you? Does he deserve no merit for comforting you in the darkness of – _

_Oh, hush! _I thought viciously against the laments of my mind. _Of course Jem counts for something – everything! He will always be enough for – _

"Lissa. Lissa. _Lissa!" _

"Pardon?" I broke out of my reverie, embarrassed.

"I asked if you needed an extra seraph blade," Jem said with a kind smile.

"Oh." I flushed. "Yes, thank you." I accepted the weapon and Jem, who'd stepped ahead of me, offered his arm to help me into the carriage. Will, still singing taunts about who knows what, climbed into the driver's seat, leaving Jem and I alone in the back.

The carriage set off almost immediately, bumping over the cobblestone roads. I turned my back on Jem decidedly, so that my lack of self-control would not be a problem. Why, the ride would hardly take ten minutes! Not nearly enough time to get into any sort of trouble –

"Lissa," Jem said softly, and I turned to face him against my better judgment.

"James." I realized that I'd said his name for the sake of hearing the way it fell from my lips, and hurriedly asked, "Yes?"

He smiled, as if not at all put off by my flustered manner. "I know that this may seem like an odd time," he began. "But I have known you for quite a while, Lissiane, and was wondering if I may – perhaps – ask you a question."

"Of course." These were simple matters; nothing to lose my head over. Questions had answers, and answers I could give.

"How did you know of my ailment on the first night you arrived?"

I took a deep, shuddering breath to calm my racing heart.

"Did Charlotte not tell you?" I fought to keep my voice light.

Jem shook his head, scattering silvery droplets of moonlight from the rays that peeked into our carriage.

"How odd," I remarked, as if commenting on the weather. "The Silent Brothers applied an Awareness rune on my tenth birthday." The lie I told Charlotte slips easily out of my lips. "It was far more powerful than my parents intended, see, it wasn't supposed to be so –" I cleared my throat; I was rambling now. "It turned out to be far more potent – and useful – than anyone ever believed."

"Can I see it?" Jem's voice was the trace of a whisper and sent shivers down my spine.

I blushed. "It's-it's on my back."

He nodded. "Of course," he said with a smile. "How improper that would be." Jem shook his head again, this time as if to clear it. "But that was not what I was speaking of," he continued. "I was only going to ask how you knew of the –" he paused, and I heard his voice carry the hint of a tremor, "of the _yin fen." _

I turned from him, staring out the window.

"Obviously, you do not have to share with me, if you do not want to," he rushed on. "I only thought –"

"No." My voice shook now too. "It's alright." I took a deep breath. "It was my aunt, you see. Yanluo –" Jem took a sharp breath here. "Are you alright?"

He nodded. "Quite," he said. "Please continue."

"Yanluo has had a grudge against my family for centuries. He began by torturing my aunt; the next year my cousins. I was trained in the healing arts when I visited them, by their neighbors they were often called the Silvertears, for obvious reasons." I stared out the window. "They are all dead now."

"Oh, Lissa, I'm so sorry –"

"Don't be." My voice was like a raindrop, existing for one clear moment before being lost forever. "It's fine. I've been trained – a bit more extensively – than many other of my Nephilim brethren. I have always had a flair for medicine." I attempted a smile. "Now I am the only one left. Me – me and my brother, Joshua. We are the only ones left." My weak grin slid off my face as I realized what I was saying. "Jem, I am the only Morgenstern left!"

Tears run down my face before I can stop them, and all of a sudden Jem is there, saying, "Shh, Lissa, I'm sorry."

"No, Jem, don't be sorry." I gulped for air even as the sobs consumed me. "It's my fault, it's my fault…"

"Lissa." Jem's voice was barely a whisper. "Lissa, stop. _Lissa,_ měilì de_, bùyào kū. Nǐ bùshì yīgèrén, zhǐyào nǐ zhōng yǒu wǒ, zhǐyào nǐ zhōng yǒu wǒ, nǐ yǒu wǒ de ài." _

The soothing sound of Jem's Chinese calmed me. "What does it mean?" I asked, the way I always did.

"It means, _do not cry," _Jem said, though judging by the length of it, it certainly meant more than that. "It means, _do not be sad because I will always be with you." _

"Thank you," I whispered, brushing the tears from my eyes and pushing back the strand of my hair that had come out of their braid. "Thank you, Jem."

* * *

><p>"Yoo-hoo!" Will knocked on the carriage door enthusiastically. "What's going on in there?"<p>

"There's a mess of barnyard animals in here, Will, we'll be right out," I said, grinning at Jem and straitening my gear. "Now, last things first: how do I look?"

Jem smiled shyly. "Lethal," he said. "Here, there's a…" he gestured to a string that had come undone. I turned to let him lace it up, his fingers coming in contact with my bare back. I _did _have a few runes inked on my back, I just hoped Jem wouldn't be looking closely enough. No, of course he wouldn't – it wasn't proper. Out of the three of us, Jem was the most reliable to follow the rules and whatnot.

"Perfect!" I jumped out of the carriage and grinned blindingly at Will.

"Did you swallow some heavenly fire on your way here?" he griped.

"I wouldn't be surprised – my personality is _extremely _angelic, don't you think?" I turned with a swish of my dark ponytail. "Now, come along, boys! We've got a dragon to kill!"

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><p><strong>I told you it was bad. <strong>

**Hmph.**

**So yeah, this chapter was Lissa in her not-quite-best moment and next chapter we're going to see the fierce warrior girl we all know and love! (I hope). I actually didn't mean to make this chapter like this it just came out and so this happened. I'm really sorry to all who speak Chinese because I used Google translate and we all know what THAT means... but according to Google, what Jem said is really sweet. And it means about half of what I told you (hehe). **

**Read and review even though this wasn't me at my finest! Thank you all for 850 views! (!) **

**~TheEpitomeOfBibliophile**


	8. A Dragon: Part Two

**Why hello dear readers!**

**Could it be? Another update so soon? Is that a chapter I see?**

**Yes, it is! It is the concluding half of Chapter 7! I must warn you that it's incredibly gory at times and it freaked me out as I was writing it (yeah, I'm weird that way). But I'm proud of it so I will not keep you any longer!**

**Shoo!**

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><p><em>London 1877<em>

_Perspective: Lissiane Morgenstern_

We crept out from behind the old, crumbling building, my hands beginning to fiddle with the weapons belt at my waist. My midnight black gear camouflaged me perfectly with the rest of the night, the moonlight catching my body every so often and lighting up the taut muscles underneath my skin.

This was only the third time that Jem, Will, and I had been allowed out on our own – Thomas or Charlotte or Henry was always with us. But I was confident in our abilities – we were good Shadowhunters, and it was only one demon.

I pulled out a seraph blade and a knife, feeling more comfortable with the shorter blade. Will grinned wickedly as he brandished a long sword, its silver blade glinting in the dark. Jem shook his head at his _parabatai _before finding his own tools: his favored sword, _Cortana, _and a seraph blade.

We advanced slowly, stealthily, before Will broke the silence by saying, "This is pointless. It's a Dragon, right? Shouldn't it be huge?"

I rolled my eyes. "That doesn't mean we shouldn't approach it with caution."

"Forget caution. Throw caution to the wind. Why does it matter?"

"Because we don't want to get our brains fried and our bodies turned to ash," Jem said reasonably, and I nodded in agreement.

"What would we ever tell Charlotte?" I prodded. "Wait, nevermind – she wouldn't care. Proceed, William! Goodbye!"

Jem glared at me. "You're not helping," he said, but there was a smile in his voice.

"I know," I said helpfully, but then grew serious. "But caution or no caution, we're never going to kill this thing if we never find it." _Crunch! _"That would be it now, wouldn't it."

"No, that's just Will," Jem replied lightly, gesturing towards a cursing boy hopping up and down on one foot. "He tried to go ahead and now look at him." I laughed, and Will glared at me from the other side of the street.

"What'd you find?" I asked, approaching him but staying far enough back as to not get stuck in whatever situation he'd wrangled himself into.

"It's _hot!" _Will sputtered finally, shaking a black ember off his boot. It flew across the street and landed in front of me with a _hiss. _

"What is it, though?" I asked, looking down at it curiously.

"It looks like straw," Jem supplied, coming up to me, my head reaching the tip of his shoulder. I looked up at him, confused.

"What do you mean, _straw?"_

"Straw. Like kindling," Jem explained. "It's very dry, and very flammable. A bit like the stuff that birds use to make their nests, except it's all burnt." His eyes widened. "Will, turn around."

Still hopping, Will spun and looked into the dark alley ahead of him. "All I see are three trash cans and more of this black stuff."

"Those aren't trash cans, Will." I'd come to the same realization Jem had. "And Jem was right when he was talking about straw."

Will shook his head. "Have you guys gone insane?"

"Will, get out of there," Jem said slowly. "Unless you want to turn into cinders like everything else."

Will turned a slow circle, coming to face us and grinding to a halt. "Is this…"

"Yeah," I confirmed. "Will, you're not standing in a pile of trash. Those trash cans? They're eggs. You're standing in a Dragon's nest."

"Our demon is a nesting mother," Jem added. "Ten times more ruthless; ten times more dangerous. Their fire is ten times hotter, so it can kindle the eggs before they hatch." Jem shook his head as he looked around the place. "And considering how much straw there is around here, they're almost ready."

* * *

><p>"You three boys!" a shopkeeper came running at us. My face had some of the charred straw dust on it, and Will had scampered out of the mess. "My brand new order of jewelry is all gone! Are you thieves?"<p>

"No, no!" Jem stammered. "But - but we know who might be doing it, sir."

"Are you sure you are not thieves?" the man brandished a necklace at us. It was beautiful, with a round jade stone with a dragon inscribed on its surface as a pendant, and a delicate silver chain the same color as Jem's hair. I gasped.

"How pretty!" my cheeks colored as I remembered that he thought I was a boy, and that I was wearing men's clothes with my hair bound tight. The man gave me an odd look. "For – for a girl I – I – for a girl I wish to court," I finished, the words awkwardly making their way out of their mouth. My cheeks grew redder and I looked down at the ground.

"If you find the rest of my stolen goods," the man continued, peering at me again, "you can have this necklace as payment!" He looked at me conspiratorially. "For that girl," he said with a wink, and Will snorted from next to me.

"Er, thank you, sir!" I tried to make my voice upbeat.

"You'd better find those thieves, boys!" the shopkeeper said, walking across the street into his shop and slamming the door.

"Nice guy, huh?" I offered weakly.

"Ooh, Lissa, you never told us –"

"Oh, shut up, Will!" I snapped, crossing my arms in a huff.

"It's definitely a Dragon, then," Jem said quietly. "They steal valuables and hoard them. It's probably somewhere between those buildings." He gestured to where we'd found the nest.

"Right." I cleared my throat. "Let's go."

We took off through the street, the nest ash burning the soles of our feet. The eggs shook as we approached them, and it was now obvious that they weren't trash cans at all.

"How could you _ever _have thought –"

"Oh, shut up," Will grumbled. "Besides, _you –"_

"Oh, shut up."

"Guys," Jem whispered. "Not to alarm you, but –" A deafening roar drowned out the rest of Jem's sentence, and a jet of red flames shot out above the building ahead of us. "Yeah." He grimaced. "That."

I took a deep breath. "Fantastic." I tried to calm myself and think rationally. "Alright, we need to see it before we can gauge its strengths and weaknesses. Jem, you and I will get the head. Will, try the wings, tail, limbs – anything you can get. Jem, aim for its eyes. I'll get the head and neck. Will, if you can disable enough of it so that you can climb on its back while it's distracted – go ahead and finish it. We'll deal with the eggs when we reach that problem. Hopefully, they'll dissipate back with their guardian once we've killed it."

Surprisingly, the boys don't argue the way they had before. Jem was looking at me with a new sort of trust in his eyes as he said, "Sounds good. Will?"

"Yeah." Will nodded.

"Let's get going then!" We ran towards the flames, weapons raised, and were ready to take this dragon down as a team.

And then it came out.

Our plan had a major flaw.

And that flaw was simple.

It was staring us in the face.

It was that we hadn't planned for the Dragon to have two heads.

"Oh, by the Angel," I muttered. Will held no such restraints, shouting various curses and other creative insults like, "that two-faced oversize maggot!" and "like a lump of earth with a head – wait, no, two heads," and "I bet the only reason it has two is because its brain is so small that it couldn't function with one," and so forth.

The Dragon stared at us appraisingly before opening its mouth wide. A small inferno grew at the back of it, spinning and becoming hotter and larger until –

"Get back!" I interrupted Will's rant to shove him behind a trash can – a _real _one this time.

"In Raziel's name," Jem breathed. "We certainly didn't prepare for _this." _

"No," I agreed. "We didn't." I cleared my head. "Alright, let's stick to the plan. Jem, you've got four eyes now."

"_What?!" _Will jumped. "Stick to the plan? Do you know how big that thing's butt is?"

I rolled my eyes and dragged Will out from behind the flaming trash can.

I was glad that I had Jem by my side. He was in the process of taunting it, trying to coax one of its heads nearer so he could gouge out its eyes, blinding it and leaving it weak and easy to kill. I'd ignited my seraph blade and was targeting its neck, hoping that perhaps I could cut off one of the heads. Unluckily, I'd only succeeded in angering it, but at least this head was entirely focused on me.

I jabbed my sword near its upper ear, hearing a _ccckk! _– the sound of ripping flesh. I grimaced as the pointed, spiky ear fell from the Dragon's head, landing in a black pool of demon ichor, the scaly, crusty red flesh soaking up the thick, gelatinous liquid. The Dragon roared and shot a fireball at me. It was small but hot, and though it missed me by inches, I could feel the heat of it as it passed my sleeve. Off kilter, it shook its head, ichor dripping down the side of its face.

"Yes!" Jem shouted as his head dazedly shot a comet of fire into the air. He thrust his seraph blade into the soft flesh of its neck, causing it to burn, eating up the Dragon's first head and neck. All of a sudden, a flash of light came from behind him, and a weak fireball exploded right next to Jem's feet. He spun around and froze.

Three hatchlings were coming towards him, and they were rapidly growing.

I screamed at the same time Will did: he must've gotten hit. I'd been paying attention to Jem and ignored my head of the Dragon.

"Just take care of them!" I called helplessly as Jem faced the oncoming group.

I hacked at the Dragon's neck that was turned towards me, but Will seemed to be doing just fine without me.

"Lissa, take my place!" he called.

"Of course!" I yelled back, running to the Dragon's side. Its wingspan was huge, probably ten to fourteen feet long. Its right wing was dripping black ichor, running in a stream from the spike at the bottom tip of the Dragon's wing. The aerodynamic flesh of the wing was spongy and soft, and, steeling myself, I brought my seraph blade down on it, causing a roar of pain from the Dragon and a hasty, "Nice job!" from Will.

My blade sputtered out: it had run out of seraphic power. I cursed and threw it aside, exchanging it for the extra Jem had given me. I whispered, "Michael," knowing that the name was far more powerful than the one I'd used before. The blade burned in my hands, even through the hilt.

Suddenly, I heard a string of creative cursing from Will as he threw aside his seraph blade and pulled a knife from his weapons belt. The Dragon blasted the blade right off it, leaving the knife a melted handle in Will's grip. More swearing.

The Dragon opened its mouth, sparks flying out from between his teeth. It widened its maw, allowing the fiery inferno to grow before shooting out a meteor of flames – heading straight towards Will.

_Crack! _The Dragon's entire body arched upwards in pain as the flames shot out of its mouth. The fire missed Will, flying straight over his head and engulfing the three hatchlings as Jem took a step back. Its tail writhed from where I'd just stomped on it.

I grinned. Custom steel-toed boots had their benefits.

I scrambled up the Dragon's back, climbing the scaly red ridges and using the spikes as handholds. I signaled to Will and Jem to make sure they were okay, and once I got an affirmative signal back, I grabbed Michael with both hands and plunged it into the back of the demon. Fire started spreading from the wound, and I yanked my seraph blade out of the demon and slid back down its back.

It truly was a spectacle: the Dragon began to burn, starting from its back, giving the red scales a glossy sheen as it writhed and roared. The fire-breather was consumed with flames; spreading over its thighs, over the stump of the neck Jem had cut off, over the remaining head. It shot one last fireball into the sky, and disappeared.

There was no trace of it: it had gone back to its demonic realm.

Back where it had come from, along with its fledglings. I ran over to Jem, who had picked up my discarded seraph blade.

"That… that was pretty good," Will said, which was a huge compliment coming from him.

I gave him a half-smile. "You weren't so bad yourself." I hugged Jem, standing on my tiptoes so that my head reached the bottom of his chin.

"You were amazing," Jem whispered into my hair.

I smiled into his collarbone. "So were you."

"Ahem." Will gave a dramatic cough. "I believe that Lissa has a gift to pick up for her lady friend." He held up a set of silver and green jewelry, giving me a wicked grin.

"Oh, shut up," I said, but I was smiling.

"Aw, c'mon, Lis," he pleaded. "Plus, _you _were the one who said it was pretty."

"Fine," I relented. The necklace _was _beautiful – and the grumpy old shopkeeper did deserve his stock back. "Let's go."

* * *

><p>"Is it okay if I lean on you?" I asked Jem as we returned to the carriage.<p>

He smiled. "Of course," he said, and I again found myself entranced by his eyes, and how the moonlight reflected beautifully in them.

My eyes closed as soon as we entered the carriage and I was asleep in minutes, despite the bouncing and bumping of our carriage, thoughts of Jem filling my head.

_Perspective Switch: Third Person Limited (Jem Carstairs)_

Lissa was beautiful when she slept, Jem thought. All the hardships of the battle were wiped from her face, the half-moon crescents of her closed eyelids framed by dark lashes. She looked like a little girl.

She looked beautiful.

Jem silently lifted her chin in his hands and kissed her lightly on the forehead. It was a barely-there kiss: just a brushing of lips against her temple. Jem didn't know it, but Lissa was dreaming of him.

"_Nǐ kěnéng zǒng shì yīkào wǒ," _Jem said softly. _You may always lean on me. _Jem took the necklace from his pocket, with its nearly invisible silver chain and jade pendant, and hooked it gently around Lissa's neck. "_Wǒ ài nǐ, Lissiane Morgenstern."_

* * *

><p><strong>I warned you! But then I added in that cute feelsy bit at the end so please forgive me. <strong>

**Um, I have absolutely no update pattern so I'll see you when I feel inspired! (probably soon)**

**Thanks for reading and giving me 1,000 views and 20 reviews thank you so much you guys are AMAZING!**

**Don't forget to review!  
><strong>

**~TheEpitomeOfBibliophile**


	9. Aimoure

**Er... hi? **

**So please don't kill me, I know I haven't updated in forever (Jan 29! *cringe, cringe*) and I have no excuses! So this A/N is gonna be short and sweet: Sorry! **

**But luckily for you, this chapter is 6,000+ words and spans 11 whole Microsoft Word pages! (Good God I sound like a cereal commercial. Oops)**

**Enjoy!**

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><p><em>The London Institute, 1878<em>

_Perspective: Lissiane Morgenstern_

_I tiptoed down the hall, hoping no one would hear me. I'd followed Josh – unsuccessfully – for the last few days, trying to see where he disappeared to when he thought no one was watching. I heard him slam the door to somewhere – was that it?_

_It was. The door was still swinging, just barely, and I pounced on the opportunity. I crept up to the door and, once it settled in place, pressed my ear to the cold mahogany wood. _

_It was a room in the Morgenstern mansion that we hardly ever used anymore: towards the back of the extensive house, it had once been a guest bedroom and now was simply a dusty old room with a locked door. A door which, obviously, wasn't locked anymore._

"_Caroline…" that was Josh's voice, husky and low, the voice that so many girls had swooned over, but Josh had never returned their affectionate gestures. _

"_Oh, Joshua," someone replied, and I started: it was Caroline, our ladies maid, in a room alone with Josh, and was she…. _Giggling? _No, I thought, Caroline is much too proper for that. "Joshua, we cannot do this…"_

"_But we can," Josh said, and I opened the door to see him kiss her, and Caroline melted into his arms. I let the door slam and ran down the hallway._

"_Lissa?" Josh was calling for me. "Lissa, where are you?"_

"_In here," I yelled, my voice muffled by the pillow I was leaning into. My door opened with a slight creak, and I looked up. _

"_Lis, it's time for –"_

"_I saw you with Caroline today," I blurted, and Josh froze. _

"_Lis, it's not what you think."_

"_How do you know what I think? What I saw was you having an illegal relationship with a mundane!"_

Smack. _Josh's hand came down hard across my cheek. _

"_Don't you ever, _ever, _call her that," he fumed, his voice deadly. _

"_Josh, you know that the chances of her Ascension are slim," I reminded him. "Why are you giving her this false hope?"_

"_Just because _you _can never love anyone without causing their deaths doesn't mean that I have to follow the same restrictions!" Josh spat. _

"_So you love her," I prodded. "But you will never tell anyone."_

"_Of course." Josh was more careful, his voice tender, when he was speaking of Caroline than when he was arguing with me. _

_I was ten years old. I had just been cursed, and my brother was telling me that I could never love._

_My memory changed to when I was older: thirteen this time. My parents had just been killed. Joshua was sending Caroline away. _

"_How could you do this to her?" I yelled as I paced around the room. "You – you _loved _her! And now you're just sending her away like you don't even care!"_

"_Lissa, how _dare _you speak of me –" Josh's words were fast, low, and furious._

"_How dare _I? _How dare _I? _You really believe that _I _am the one at fault? Well, _Joshua, _I don't see myself sending a thirteen year old girl out of my house as well as my long-time servant – and lover!"_

Smack. _Josh's palm leaves a red mark from the force of his slap._

"_Don't you ever, _ever, _call her that." His face was red with anger, and I was reminded of the time when, three years before, I'd walked in on Joshua and Caroline. He'd been so hopeful then, so young and innocent, defending his love with all he had in him. Now he said, "She is a filthy mundane. I wish to never, _ever, _have her in my presence again."_

_Tears in my eyes, I looked up at him. "You've changed, Josh. You're a different person now."_

"_Get out of my house!"_

"Lissa?" Jem's voice snapped me out of my memory. "Lissa, are you alright?"

"Yeah." I force a weak smile onto my face. "Fine."

"You dropped your hairbrush." Jem pointed to the floor, where the aforementioned brush lay on the ground, its crystalline backing cracked.

"It's not mine," I said as I hurried to pick it up. "It's Jessie's."

Jem gave a short laugh. "Better hide it, then. You know how Jessie gets with her hairbrushes."

I smiled back. "Wouldn't _dream _of telling her," I promised, then – "Jem," I asked, my smile slowly turning itself into a frown, "Why are you here?"

Jem shuffled his feet, almost looking embarrassed. "Perhaps…" he paused. "Would you like to come train with me?"

My face lit up. _Jem _wanted me to train with him! It was probably a friendly offer, but my heart couldn't stop itself from swelling as I said, "Of course." Then it was my turn to be embarrassed. "Jem…"

He frowned and turned back to me, as he was already making his way out the door. "Yes?"

"I'm not ready."

Jem raised one eyebrow. "You _look _ready. You're in gear, your hair… well, I'm not sure when it comes to hair, but it certainly _looks _nice –"

"My stays." The words came out in a rush.

"Pardon?"

"My stays. Can you lace up my stays?" I blushed. "On my back."

Jem looked surprised, but didn't hesitate as he said, "Of course." He came around to the vanity and immediately asked, "Lissa, how in Raziel's name do these things work?"

I laughed, reaching around my back and guiding his fingers towards the right laces. I was sure that we were both blushing wildly by the time he was done, but I simply said, "Thanks," and looked him straight in the eye when he finished.

Jem held out an arm, and I took it, feeling like a lady as he escorted me down to the training room.

* * *

><p>"What first?" Jem asked as we arrived. I surveyed the room, the massive amount of seraphic weapons still making me dizzy, even after four years to get used to it.<p>

"Archery." I'd never told anyone about my secret love for it, but it felt right to do it around Jem.

He turned to me skeptically. "Archery? Lissa, you've never –"

"Don't doubt me." I grinned and shushed him. "Watch." I picked up my favorite bow, a sleek model with a wooden grip, and nocked an arrow. I spun around, pointed my bow at the target, and – _woosh. _The arrow flew past my cheek and landed with a _thud _in the center of the target. Well, close to the center, anyway. I cursed the arrow under my breath as I turned to Jem.

"I never thought anything but the best of you," he proclaimed with a smile. "But how –?"

"I have my means and ways," I said mysteriously, then laughed. "I got up early every morning for the last year to practice."

"The last _year?" _Jem seemed shocked. "I never knew –"

"Eh." I shrugged. "Do you remember the time when Jessie wanted to take me shopping, Will called me an ugly pig, you tried to stand up for me and Will threw custard into my hair?"

"He was fourteen!" Jem tried to defend his _parabatai. _"I don't believe his actions were reasonable, but do you _still _have a grudge against him for that?"

I grinned. "I'm incredibly good at holding grudges. But no, I've forgiven him. I just brought it up because that was the first time I came down here and picked up a bow."

Jem smiled. "You've been doing this for two years, then?"

I nodded. "Yeah."

He laughed. "You never cease to amaze me, Lissiane." I shivered at Jem's use of my full name.

"You're a pretty amazing person yourself, James."

Jem held out his hand, and I took it. "I thought we'd come down here to train, not talk."

"Of course," I agreed. "Lead the way."

* * *

><p>I pushed back damp hair from my sweaty brow as Jem guided my hand on the knife for the umpteenth time.<p>

"Jem, we've been working on this for hours!" I complained. "I can throw a knife perfectly well; I don't need all this extra practice!"

Jem's eyes were steely as he looked down at me, but something on my face must've told him that I was serious. He softened.

"Alright," he said. "Go to Agatha and ask her for a glass of water – one for me too." He wiped his forehead and I realized that our training must've drained him more than he was letting on.

"Do you need –?"

"_Yin fen? _No, I'll be alright," Jem said with a smile. "Water will be just fine."

I smiled back at him. "Thanks, Jem."

"When you get back, it's a lost form of Chinese martial arts!" he teased, his eyes lighting up again in the way that I was used to. This was my Jem – in every way that he smiled, laughed, spoke, cried. In the pores of his skin and the smell of sweat and _yin fen – _this was my Jem.

"Be prepared!" I returned the jest as I skipped out of the training room.

I ran down the halls of the Institute, running my hands along the walls until I came to the kitchen.

"Will?" Agatha asked when she heard me arrive. "Will, I've made a new batch of –"

"It's Lissa!" I called. Agatha perked up from the back of the kitchen and wiped her hands on a dirty apron.

"Lissiane!" she cooed. "You never come down here anymore," she chided. "You used to be here all the time with Will. Eat all my chocolate, too." She smiled.

"Sorry." Guilt twists my stomach. It's true: I _haven't _been down in the kitchens lately.

"You didn't even see when I put stones in your porridge!" she exclaimed.

"Agatha!" Then we're laughing, and it's the way it used to be.

"It's okay. I know you're very busy with Master Jem," she said with a knowing smile.

"How –?"

Her grin widened. "I know things, even when you're not around to tell me."

I smiled back at her. "On that note, would you mind getting some water for Jem and me?"

"Of course!" Agatha hurried to the back of the kitchens, opening up cabinets and removing two glasses with a _clink. _The sweet sound of rushing water hit my ears as she filled them up.

"Here you go," Agatha said. "Have fun!"

"Thanks, Agatha!" I accepted the glasses gratefully, resisting the urge to drink one and pour the other over my head. The glasses were slick in my sweaty hands and slid around as I walked down the hallway, the water sloshing in the glasses at every step. The training room was not too far from the kitchens, and I reached the heavy double doors in no time.

"Jem?" I called, pressing my forehead to the cool wood. "Can you open the doors?"

There was no response. _That's odd, _I thought, trying to beat down the butterflies of worry beginning to flutter in my stomach. "Jem!" I shifted the second glass to the crook of my arm and grasped the shiny metal doorknob. "I can't believe you, you're always the –" I stopped. A glass slipped out of my hand and shattered on the floor, the water gushing out on the hardwood planks.

"James." My voice was a shaky whisper as I set the other glass on a table as to focus entirely on Jem. Three knives were embedded in the target ahead of him, a fourth on the floor next to Jem.

I blinked back tears as I stared, unable to do anything. My heart beat frantically in my chest, and I finally found the ability to move and speak again.

Jem was sprawled unconscious on the floor, a fine spray of blood on the ground next to him. He _had _needed _yin fen, _but hadn't said anything about it before. _Oh, Jem. _I found myself next to him, shaking his shoulder. He was usually so much taller than me, slight and lanky in all his Shadowhunting glory. I'd always considered him strong, that his illness was simply something that he was dealing with in his own way, and that it never hindered him in any way. I'd seen him ill, of course – but never this bad. It was always Will who sat with him in his worst nights, not letting me come in. Charlotte had found me multiple times slumped against Jem's door, relieving me from my vigil that I'd kept all night long.

But I'd never doubted Jem would make it.

Not until tonight.

"Will!" I screamed, and realized my voice was hoarse. I'd been screaming for a while – for what or who, I didn't know. "Will! Charlotte! _Charlotte!" _

Panic rose in my chest. Was Jem dying? The Silent Brothers hadn't been here for a while. They – they were supposed to come today, weren't they? Would they get here in time? Oh, the irony – the Nephilim who were supposed to _save _Jem would get here when it was too late. _"Will!" _I shrieked. _"Will! Charlotte!" _I coughed. My voice was raspy, and I was shouting at random. _"Henry! Jessie!" _

Someone burst into the room. "Lissa –"

"Will, thank the Angel." I breathed a sigh of relief. "I don't know what happened – I was just getting water – he was like this when I came back – is he okay, Will? – I've never seen him this bad – _It was just a glass of water, Will, how could this happen? – _Will, I'm so sorry – he can't – he can't –"

"Shhh." Was Will soothing me? "Calm down. What happened? Tell me – reasonably. Deep breaths, Lis, just tell me."

I took a shaky breath. "I don't know – we were training and I went to get some water – and I came back and he was like this – _I don't know, Will, I don't know! – _Will he be okay? Please, Will, please." I was sobbing into Will's chest. This was the first time I'd ever depended on him – for anything, really, it was Jem and I who had the bond. "Please, Will, please." I hated being weak, but I hated not knowing that Jem was okay more – I had been reduced to this mess, this sobbing, tiny mess of a girl who had never been able to tell the only boy she'd ever cared for that she loved him.

_Don't think like that, _I scolded myself. _Jem's going to be okay. _That could be my mantra. _He'll be okay, he'll be okay. _

"It's alright, Lis," Will said quietly. "Brother Enoch just arrived – he and Charlotte will be down here any minute."

I jerked away from him, sure there was a mad light in my eyes. "Don't let them see me like this. I can't. I – just give me a minute, Will." I wiped my eyes, truly looking at Will for the first time. "You're in gear. Why are you in gear?"

"Mundane deaths." Will waved his hand as if it was no big deal. "Remember that double _oboros _knife you and I found with Jem? It's got some leads." He flashed a wicked grin. This was good. Easy subjects. Safe subjects. Factual subjects that had nothing to do with whether Jem lived or died.

"Oh? What's going on, then?"

"The Dark Sisters." Will's eyes gleamed. "And I heard that –"

The doors burst open again, this time revealing Charlotte and Enoch. I hoped that I looked presentable, but the sight of the Brother almost sent me to tears again.

"By the Angel," Charlotte whispered, and I turned away from her, jutting my chin towards the ceiling, and blinked away tears.

"He'll be alright," I said, trying to keep my voice from wavering. As if I was trying to convince Charlotte of this more than myself.

_Do not be so sure, _Brother Enoch reprimanded in my mind. _His illness does not leave him with much time. _This was the final straw.

"I'm _not _sure!" I screamed at him. "I'm _not _sure at all and this is the only way that I can convince myself! That all your little attempts and fancy little levitation tricks _aren't _for nothing! _You _never do anything for Jem except hover over him and tell us that he's going to _die!" _My fists were clenched and my chest heaved, as if I'd just been running. "And you're telling me that _I _can't have any reassurance? You – you _monster!" _

"Lissa –" Will started.

"We're all just standing here, making small talk, and this could be Jem's last day! We need to _do _something – we need to –"

It was almost a relief when Will knocked me unconscious.

* * *

><p><em>The London Institute, 1878<em>

_Perspective: Third Person Limited (William Herondale)_

Lissa was unconscious. Jem was – well, Will didn't know. He _seemed _to be breathing at the moment, and that was all Will was asking for – for Jem to keep on breathing.

The Silent Brother regarded Will, his hooded face impassive – or at least Will assumed it would be impassive, but he couldn't actually _see _it.

"Don't thank me, don't scold me," Will said, holding up a hand. He shrugged. "Just – just save my _parabatai _and I might forgive you for driving Lissa mad."

Will shrugged off Charlotte's disappointed – and very annoyed – gaze as he picked up Lissa's limp form. "Right." He cleared his throat. "Where should I…?"

_Come, _Brother Enoch said into Will's mind. Will followed, trying his hardest not to look over at Jem's fragile, levitating body. Charlotte gave Will a reproving glare and followed Enoch out of the room.

The procession was solemn, and the tension was thick enough to cut with a knife. No one spoke, and the door to the training room thudded behind them, leaving a fine red spray of blood on the floor, two abandoned knives, and a shattered glass of water.

Will remembered the last time he'd carried Lissa – Jem had been ill again, he remembered, and she'd been burning up with fever as Jem's symptoms subsided. Will recalled the lie he'd told to Charlotte, and the relief on Lissa's face when she realized that he hadn't given her away.

That was the day that Will had voiced his suspicions about her being cursed. That was the day he'd almost given himself away – spoken of his curse.

They really _were _similar, Will thought wryly, even in denial of that very fact. He loved her like a sister, Will realized, looking down at her with a smile. He hoped that she would never love him like a brother.

Brother Enoch lay Jem down in his bed. If Lissa were awake, she would've been hovering over him, making sure that Jem was alright. Will cleared his throat, causing Charlotte to notice that he was still there.

"Yes?"

"Lissa," Will explained. "Where should I, I don't know, put her?"

Charlotte sent him an annoyed look. "In her room, William. It's right across the hall."

Will nodded and stepped out, crossing the hallway and entering Lissa's chambers. They had the same basic outline as all the other rooms in the Institute, but were much neater than Will's. He spread out the much smaller girl on the bed, and stood awkwardly, wondering if there was anything else to do. Lissa stirred gently, and Will jumped back, hoping that he wouldn't seem like some sort of stalker.

Lissa blinked, and opened her eyes. "Will," she said immediately. "What in Raziel's name are you doing in my room?"

"Watching you sleep," Will replied, his defenses of sarcasm and wit rising.

"Right. Creeper." Lissa flashed him a grin to show she was kidding, but her face crumpled a moment later. _"Jem." _

"He's alright," Will hurried to assure her. "He's with Enoch."

Lissa glared at him, and climbed off the large bed, still in her training gear. Gritting her teeth, though Will didn't know why, she turned the knob, only to face Charlotte.

"No visitors," the Head of the Institute informed her. Lissa's glare deepened.

"Are you –"

"Yes," Charlotte said firmly. "No visitors. None. Brother Enoch must tend to James alone."

Lissa called Brother Enoch something that made Charlotte's eyes widen and open her mouth to scold the girl, but Lissa stalked away before she could say anything. Will shrugged helplessly as Charlotte's gaze slid to him, and started walking to the library, in hope of comfort.

* * *

><p><em>Perspective: Lissiane Morgenstern<em>

I was fuming, and a haze of pain clouded my thoughts, which probably didn't help. I stormed away from Charlotte – away from Jem – and found myself at the music room. The doorknob was cold, and I fled from the place that held too many good memories – memories of violin lessons, and Jem teaching me bits of Chinese – so that I wouldn't darken it with whatever memories today would cause.

Which was how I found myself at the library. This was always Will's favorite place, I thought. Maybe we really were alike.

I pushed open the heavy doors and saw – what a surprise – Will himself, sitting in an armchair and reading.

"Hey." Will looked up at the sound of my voice. I forced a smile.

"What are you doing here?"

"Watching you read," I said, echoing his earlier words. Will gave me a tiny smile.

"But in all honesty," Will said seriously. "Why are you here?"

"I'm not sure." The words came out in a rush. "I'm not sure about anything anymore, Will. But you don't care, do you?" I smiled sadly. "You shouldn't. But the big question is –" Will tensed "– can you get me something to read?"

He relaxed. "Sure." He lead me through the endless maze that was the Institute's library, offering me book after book, each of which I declined with a "No," or "No way," or "Absolutely not!" The ones I turned down firmly tended to be Will's favorite.

"Alright," he said finally, hefting a book bound in blue leather. _"The Shadowhunter's Codex." _

"The _Codex?" _I asked skeptically.

"Yes. It's the only other book that you might even think about finding interesting."

I accepted it, glancing at him. "If it's awful –"

"– it's all my fault." Will laughed. "I know."

I shot him a grateful smile, finding my own armchair, and began to read.

The _Codex _was dreadfully dull, and I'd read it many times before, but I continued. Demons, fighting styles, the Accords – it was all in there. A how-to guide on being a Shadowhunter, I supposed. My eyes were growing heavy as I neared the end – _The Angel Raziel, in his generosity, had two more gifts for Jonathan Shadowhunter. _

I yawned. _The first was the gift of _adamas, _the heavenly crystal that glowed with heavenly fire, that could not be cut or carved by mundane means, and the secrets of whose working could be found only in the Gray Book, _the _Codex _told me.

Something creaked, like doors opening. _This chair is really comfortable, _I thought sleepily. My eyes drifted shut, and then –

"Jem is awake." It was Charlotte. My eyes snapped open and I sat straight up in the armchair.

"Can I go see him?" I asked immediately.

Charlotte frowned sympathetically. "Brother Enoch still allows no visitors."

"Then why'd you tell us Jem's awake?" Will protested.

"I thought you two might appreciate the – the change in situation." Charlotte's voice wavered, and I realized that she was probably as nervous as us about this whole ordeal.

"Of course we do," I soothed her. "But it doesn't change that we can't see him," I muttered under my breath.

"Thank you, Charlotte," Will said icily, turning back to his book.

I did the same.

Charlotte took the hint, and left.

In a few more minutes I'd reached the end of the _Codex,_ and since I didn't know my way around the library, simply sat in the armchair, deep in thought. My thumb absently rubbed the page that connected the book to its bindings as I wondered if I'd have the heart to ask Will for another book.

_Ccck! _With an awful ripping noise, the page tore away from the leather cover. I winced; Will wouldn't be happy with me and neither would anyone else who happened to read the _Codex _after me. In a vain attempt to smooth down the paper, I realized that it hadn't ripped at all, merely come free from another sort of binding. It was as if only some of the paper had been glued to the back cover.

Curiously, I tore the rest of the glued strip away, leaving the paper to flap in the slight breeze caused by the open window. And, lo and behold – there it was! Another section of _The Shadowhunter's Codex. _

A section that, if I was right, no one had ever seen before.

I creased the paper down, revealing the entire page. There were all sorts of new runes that I'd never even seen before – runes that allowed you to warp gravity, some new rune that said it could only be used for a Portal – whatever that was. Scanning the page, one caught my eye.

It was a swirling rune, hinting at the shape of a heart. Its title read, _the Rune of Common Love. _In the language of the Angels, it is an _Àimoure, _the description informed me.

_An _aimoure _must be applied on a pair of interlaced hands. It has no effects, but like a rune of marriage, it symbolizes everlasting love. An _aimoure _will never fade, unlike a _parabatai _rune, if one of the two partners dies or becomes a Silent Brother/Iron Sister. The only way an _aimoure _will fade is if the common love that binds the two fades._

_An _aimoure _can be a symbol of friendship, since there is a strong common love between any two friends. The _aimoure _can be used as a symbol of romantic union, however, it is most commonly used among friends. _

My mind shot to Jem immediately. I slammed the _Codex _shut and tucked it under my arm. I jumped up from the chair, startling Will, who asked, "Where on Earth are you going?"

"To see Jem," I replied breathlessly.

"But Charlotte said –"

"Oh, when has that ever stopped you?"

Will shut up and let me go. I practically ran to the entrance of the library and flung open the doors, leaving the musty smell of books and entering the brightly lit hallway. My feet carried me down to Jem's room, where Charlotte stood, waiting.

"Lissa, I've told you multiple times –"

"Please, Charlotte?" I begged. "Just this once."

"No," Charlotte said firmly.

"Please, Charlotte, please?" I repeated. "It'll be really short – I swear! Just let me in – please!"

Charlotte's eyes softened, but she held her resolve. "Brother Enoch still allows no visitors."

"Charlotte!" I pleaded. "You know I won't do anything – I swear on the Mortal Sword that I won't exert him!"

I could see the internal battle raging inside her. Luckily for me, Charlotte was a kindhearted woman. "Alright," she relented. "But no more than five minutes."

"Thank you!" I said breathlessly. Charlotte stepped aside and I entered the room.

Jem was lying down, but his eyes were open. His silvery eyes locked on mine as I entered. "Lissa," he said pleasantly. "You have an odd habit of barging in on me when I am –" Jem broke off in a fit of coughing, but waved me away when I started for the _yin fen _box. "I'm fine," he said with a weak smile. "Really."

I muttered a few doubtful syllables under my breath, but then remembered my five-minute time limit. "Jem," I said seriously. "Have you read the _Codex?" _

He looked surprised. "Of course; haven't we all?"

"Did you ever see this?" I pulled the book out from under my arm and opened it to the secret section I'd discovered. Jem's eyes widened as his eyes scanned the page.

"Look," he said, pointing to the bottom. My heart skipped a beat. "The _aimoure." _

I nodded. "The Rune of Common Love." I hoped that my blush wasn't too obvious.

Jem held out his hand. "Would you like to do it?" he asked tentatively.

"The rune?" I asked in surprise. He nodded. "The _aimoure?" _He nodded again.

"I'd love to – ah, that is to say, yes."

Jem smiled and placed his hand in mine. My hand, cold from the temperature of the library, and his, hot and feverish and entirely real. I drew out my _stele _and began to copy the rune from the back of the _Codex. _My heart thumped nervously and frantically in my chest, but the rune was the easiest I'd ever done, practically drawing itself as it snaked across our hands.

"Done," I breathed finally, ignoring the sting of the freshly applied rune.

Jem smiled at me. _"Wo ai ni, Lissiane Morgenstern," _he whispered, and though I knew he meant it in a friendly, platonic sort of way, it sent shivers down my spine.

"_Wo ai ni, James Carstairs." _

We sat in silence for a moment or two, our breaths timed and even. Our faces were inches away from each other, his nose almost – but not quite – touching mine. Jem broke away from me, his body raced with convulsions as he coughed. I picked up a glass of water and sprinkled in a fair amount of _yin fen, _ignoring Jem's weak protests.

I swore softly under my breath. "I wish I could _kill _whoever did this to you," I said, handing him the cup.

Jem looked up at me, surprised. "You don't know?"

I shook my head. "You never told me, so I never asked."

"It was back in Shanghai, when my father still ran the Institute," Jem began, closing his eyes. "I was twelve. My parents had angered a Greater Demon – Yanluo." I tensed, but Jem didn't notice. "As a sort of vengeance, it came to our Institute. It tortured me with great amounts of demon poison – the _yin fen _that I am dependent on now." Jem's voice was a sweet, serene calm compared to the story he was telling. "Yanluo made my parents watch." He paused. "And then he killed them." Each of Jem's words is like a raindrop, clear and concise, falling out of his mouth and onto the ground, disappearing into the sea of words. "By the time people had come to help, they couldn't wane me off the drug. I was dying. I _am _dying," he corrected himself. "That is why I take the _yin fen," _he finished. "It is not a particularly grand story, but it is mine, and I wished to tell it to you."

My anger clouded my mind, the white-hot hatred making it hard for me to even see straight.

"Lissa?" Jem questioned mildly. "Are you alright?"

"No," I spat. "It was bad enough when it was just my parents, Jem, but knowing Yanluo killed yours too, and is killing you every day of your life – I just can't _take _it! And knowing that he's still out there, still killing people every day, making them suffer –"

"Your parents?" Jem interrupted.

I blinked. "Did I not tell you?"

Jem shook his head, wincing at the movement.

"They were sent by the Clave to get rid of it," I said softly, losing myself to the memory. "They were gone for a week. When they were supposed to return, all that I received was the message that they were dead." I smiled wanly. "I promised my revenge that night." I paused, then said, "My brother banished me from the mansion within a fortnight. Charlotte agreed to take me in. So I came to the Institute – and, ah, you know the rest."

"I'm sorry," he said, and I recalled the first time I'd had that conversation with him, thinking that his apology was so much more sincere than anyone else's.

That was because it was.

Now I knew why.

Seeing Jem so helpless lit a new spark inside of me. "I promised my revenge then," I hissed, as Jem looked up in confusion. "I'm going to get it _now." _

"Lissa, you can't!" he exclaimed as what I said began to sink in.

"I_ can," _I said simply.

"Grown Nephilim haven't been able to kill it," Jem argued. "What makes you think that you can?"

"I have motivation," I replied. "I've had motivation since I was thirteen. Now I simply have a bit more. Quite a bit more." I got up from my crouched position and made for the doorway.

"Lissa, wait –"

I turned, seeing Jem lying there, his silvery hair and eyes beautiful, so beautiful, and I paused.

"Jem," I said softly. "If I die –"

"Don't say that," he growled, as fiercely as I'd ever heard him say anything. "You aren't going to die. I know I can't stop you from going, but I also know that you're not going to let one demon stop you from coming back." He smiled. "You're Lissiane Morgenstern. You can do anything."

Hearing him say that he had faith in me drove my determination even further. I smiled back, hoping that it wouldn't be the last one we'd ever share. My hand slipped off the doorknob and I knelt by his bedside again.

"Before I go," I whispered. "I forgot to say thank you."

"For what?"

"Something you gave me a few years ago." I smiled.

"What was it?"

"This." I leaned in, our faces inches apart, and then closer. Jem tilted his head just so, and I knew he was accepting what I was about to give him.

My lips touched his, gently, like a feather drifting gently to the ground. He was sweet, the same way I'd remembered, of the _yin fen _and perspiration from our training exercise. Everything around me was silver, the same silver – the same beautiful silver – that was Jem. My Jem. My beautiful James Carstairs.

Finally, I broke off and ran my fingers through his hair, something I'd wanted to do for so long.

"Lissa," he breathed gently, taking my hand. _"Nǐ zhēnměi," _he said after a pause.

"What does that mean?" I asked him.

Jem merely smiled. _"Mizpah, _Lissiane Morgenstern," he said instead. _"Mizpah." _

After I left Jem's room, I raced across the hall to mine, picking up a bag and some of my favorite weapons. My next stop? The training room. Apologizing to Charlotte – mentally, of course – I combed through knives, swords, and other things until I found my bow. Grabbing that, a splendid array of arrows, and some other lethal components, I tore down the hallway and to the front of the Institute.

I slung the deadly parasol Henry had given me over my shoulder and checked around. There was no one there.

_Good, _I thought as I made my way to the stables. I clucked my tongue, alerting my horse, Sleipnir, named after a legendary horse in Norse mythology, to come out.

Sleipnir nuzzled against my palm as I fed him some oats from a nearby stall.

"C'mon, boy," I urged, saddling him up.

Dragging a stepstool so that I could mount the massive, muscular horse, I heard something. I froze, then listened for it again. Nothing. _Just your imagination, _I told myself.

I squeezed my legs, and Sleipnir began to trot, his hooves clicking against the pavement. I passed the Institute doors, and checked again to see that no one was there.

The doors were open.

_I didn't leave them open! _I panicked. _Did I? _I rode Sleipnir up to the doors, ready to dismount. From inside the Institute, I heard someone say, "I'll get the carriage ready."

Who was it? I turned to go, hoping that whoever it was wouldn't see me. Unfortunately for me, the Institute doors creaked open wider and someone stepped out.

I urged Sleipnir faster, but there was only so much one horse could do.

"Where are you going?" the figure called, and I turned around in defeat. My eyes widened. Dressed in gear, armed with a witchlight and a sword, ready to embark on some sort of mission – and stopping _me _from embarking on mine – was Will Herondale himself.

* * *

><p><strong>There's a nice little Jissa moment for you!<strong>

**I hope it made up for the wait (it probably didn't, but whatever) and that you liked it!**

**And WOW guys, 1500+ views! You're amazing! And we're almost to 30 reviews eek! This is surpassing my wildest dreams and expectations!**

**Oh, and sorry about the cliffhanger. I'm planning on revealing Lissa's curse in this next chapter (or at least some of it). **

**Yes, I know her curse didn't have too much of an effect in this chapter, but I don't know, loopholes? Whatever. **

**So much for the short A/N.**

**See you later & don't forget to review!**

**~Ivy, aka TheEpitomeOfBibliophile**


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